Growing Older
by DarkRaven18
Summary: As the turtles get older, life only gets more complicated for them. Will they be able to take control of their own lives or do what's best for the family no matter what? Slash. DonLeo MikeLeo
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT

_Author's Note: This fic contains Leo/Don turtlecest._

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**Prologue**

The clang of metal meeting metal filled the dojo as sais and katanas clashed with ferocity. Splinter was in his room meditating and Leonardo was supposed to be leading their training this afternoon. However things weren't going so smoothly. As usual, Raphael had taken offense to something Leo had said, leading to a loud argument which had eventually evolved into the fight before Don now. Nothing new.

Don inhaled sharply as a sais passed inches from Leonardo's ducking head. Raph avoided a sweeping kick with ease and then the two began to circle each other.

"Twenty bucks says Raph decides to ditch his sais and run at Leo like a mad man. Bet he'll take Leo down too. Whatcha say Donnie?"

Mikey was lazily sitting next to his brother against one wall of the dojo, his arms draped casually over his raised knees. Don found it difficult to take his eyes away from Leo as his elder brother moved to meet Raphael again. Lately Don had found himself increasingly admiring Leo's form during training. There was just something about the way Leo's muscles moved beneath his skin that made Don want to stare all day…

With an effort, Don turned to look at his younger brother's mischievous face and shook his head.

"Not this time, Mikey. Especially not after what happened last time I bet with you."

"Aw I just got lucky that time, Don!! Come on…" Mike gave Don his best innocent look, "Raph's gone crazy again over our Fearless Leader's earlier comment. How 'bout we forget the money and whoever wins just does the dishes for the month instead?"

Don shrugged, turning his gaze back to the fight.

"Yea, sure, whatever. I bet Raph won't even get close to taking Leo down."

Mikey's grin broadened.

"We'll see."

The sitting brothers watched silently as the fight played out before them. Soon Mikey was nudging Don as Raph threw his sais to the ground and lunged at Leo head on. Leonardo was facing the wall his two brothers were sitting against and the pair watched as Leo instantly threw his katanas to the side, no doubt afraid of hurting his now unarmed brother.

Don caught the look of triumph that flashed in Leo's eyes. For a moment Leo's eyes shifted to Don then back to Raph and he smirked. Donatello bit the side of his mouth to keep himself from reacting.

It took less than a minute for Leo to pin Raphael to the ground, the red banded turtle spitting angry insults as he struggled against Leo's hold. Don stood and held out a hand to help Michelangelo up. Mikey groaned, and let his brother pull him to his feet.

"Have fun doing the dishes, Mikey," Don grinned, patting his brother reassuringly on the shell.

The two younger brothers walked over to join the pair on the floor. Leo had let go of Raph, but Raph remained on the floor panting and glaring at Leo.

"Way to go Raph, you just earned me a month's worth of washing dishes because you can't beat Leo," Mike grumbled.

Don exchanged a grin with Leo and then jumped back in surprise as Raph leaped to his feet and made a move towards Mike with an inarticulate cry. Mikey let loose a high pitched scream and darted from the room, followed closely by an enraged Raphael.

"Nice work Leo," Don laughed, "I'll never understand how you deal with Raph when he gets pissed off."

Leo shrugged and walked over to his abandoned katanas.

"It's not so hard. His anger may make him stronger, but it also messes with his judgment. As long as you keep cool, you can take him down easily. I'm sure you could do the same Don."

Don shook his head.

"Whenever I spar with an angry Raph I always end up walking away bruised and aching for days."

"Well, I can teach you what I do if you want," Leo had placed his katanas on a rack against the wall and turned to look at his brother.

For some reason the confident look made Don's stomach do flip-flops. Maybe it was the combination of the look and thoughts of Leo demonstrating the pinning move on him.

Then the look on Leo's face faltered and Don wondered if somehow Leo had read his mind.

"I mean, only if you wanted to. You're fine on your own Don," Leo frowned, clearly unhappy with the words coming out of his mouth, "What I meant to say Don is that you're a good ninja."

"It's ok Leo," Don tried to smile reassuringly, "maybe I'll take you up on that sometime. But right now, I have an invention to get back to."

Leo nodded and glanced at the floor of the dojo as Don began to leave. Leo seemed to be thinking hard about something but Don couldn't fathom what.

Don hurried into his workshop and closed the door. He leaned against it a minute, collecting himself before moving to his computer. Over the last month he'd been feeling increasingly awkward around Leo and he had a sudden fearful feeling that his brother was noticing. _Noticing what exactly?_ he mused, his fingers pausing over the keyboard. He glanced over at the invention lying on his desk, cables connecting it to the computer. He was supposed to be updating software to install on said invention, but his brain wasn't cooperating.

He had a number of theories on why he was feeling this way. Of course he did, he was Donatello. Theories, science, experiments, machines, books….he was good at these things. People and feelings were a different matter and frankly his sudden awareness of everything Leo did was a bit disconcerting. _Then again, Leo could be thought of as a well oiled machine in some respects. So precise and lithe and toned and…_Don shook his head, forcing his mind away from a mental image of Leonardo slowly moving through his katas.

For awhile he thought maybe he was just coming down with something that was heightening his senses and making him more sensitive to his surroundings. But when he noticed he only seemed to be more aware around Leo…he ruled out looking for a cure. Of course, ignoring it didn't help either. He had started to create a list of possible causes, filling up two entire pages, front and back. He had been reading through the list, crossing out everything he was able to rule out as he went.

Frowning, Donatello opened a bottom drawer in his desk and took out some folded papers. Unfolding them, his eyes were met with numbered lines, all of the words crossed out. He turned to the last page, where the very last line had a star next to it. It was the only line that had not been crossed out yet. Don tightened his grip on the paper until it crinkled slightly. _It can't be, it just can't_, Don thought desperately. He threw the papers effortlessly to the side, watching them float slowly to the desk before burying his head in his hands. What he wouldn't give to be able to talk to someone about this. Over the last few days he had been pondering if he should talk to Michelangelo but he never summoned the courage. He wasn't close enough to Raphael to feel comfortable discussing anything personal and talking to Leo was completely out of the question. Don found himself thinking about the relationship between Raph and Leo with jealousy. Sure they fought all the time, but they were closer than they let everyone think.

_Jealous. _Don sighed. Did he want to fight Leo? Argue with him? Just talk to him? _Preferably do more than talk_, a little voice whispered in his mind making Don sigh again.

"What's the matter, Donnie?"

Donatello jumped, swinging around in his chair so fast he swung too far to the other side, slamming his leg against his desk.

He glared at Mikey as he rubbed his leg.

"Ever hear of knocking, Mikey?" he grumbled. Mike shrugged and walked towards his brother.

"You've been a little out of it lately, Donnie. Some big new invention capturing your attention?"

Don narrowed his eyes at his brother. Mike was looking all innocent but his eyes darted around the room, eagerly looking for the cool new invention his brother might be working on.

"Sorry Mikey, nothing that exciting. Just the usual workload taking up my time, honest," Don smirked, "And I can't be that out of it. I did win our bet before."

Mike snorted walking to Don's desk; he leaned against it, resting his hands on the paper covered top.

"That was lucky," he insisted, "and it took me forever to lose Raph, thank you very much," he paused, "come on Donnie. You can talk to me."

Don hesitated. What better time than now to talk to Mikey about his changing feelings towards Leo. He opened his mouth to speak when he noticed Mikey's eyes had wandered to the papers under his hands. Don's eyes widened. The second page of his list had landed there. Don froze as he watched Mike turn and pick up the paper.

"What's this list Donnie? How come Leo's name is on it?"

"Give it to me Mike, its nothing," Don mumbled reaching for the paper. Mike turned away from his brother. Don scrambled out of his chair but by the time he snatched the paper from Mikey's hand his brother was already slack jawed and staring at him. Don clutched the paper nervously, stepping away. He glanced down at the paper and read the last line: _In love with Leo, as in: love him more than a brother. Take note of feelings/thoughts that could support this._

_Stupidstupidstupid!_ Don darted to block the door.

"Mikey….I can explain…" Don's voice sounded scratchy and uncertain. Don cleared his throat. He was always so sure of everything, always had a plan. Why hadn't he told Mike when he had the chance? Damnit…

"Don," Mike spoke slowly, glancing up at his brother, "you're in love with Leo? Um…you want to, well, uh sleep with him?"

Any other time Don would have smiled at Mike's serious tone. Now wasn't one of those times.

"Love might be too strong a word," Don answered carefully, "I mean, I love him as a brother but…I wouldn't say I want to er sleep with him as you put it but ah I think lately I've noticed I um--"

Don fumbled for words and was unnerved at the smile spreading across Mike's face.

"Well I'll be, Donatello. You've got a crush on our Fearless Leader."

Don felt his face start to burn. _I'm not blushing, I'm not blushing…_

"You know Mike I've worked with our blood so much from us being injured and all it made sense to do DNA tests just incase you know the mutagen might have been unstable or something and well I figured out a few years ago that we're not blood related, I mean the chance of four pet shop baby turtles being blood related is slim already and we're older now, I mean 19 we're leaving those hormoney teenage years and--"

"Whoa braniac, you're rambling," Mike laughed. He gestured to Don's chair and went back to leaning against the desk.

"Why don't we just talk Donnie?"

Stiffly, Don sat and began to spill everything about what he was going through, starting with when he noticed his changing feelings towards Leo and all the ways he tried to deal with it. Don knew Mike was trying to hold in his laughter at some points and was grateful that his brother didn't interrupt him. When he finished, Mike just smiled at him sympathetically and Don shook his head.

"How come you're taking this so well Mikey? Why aren't you calling me a monster or running out to tell the others or saying I have to grow up and get over it?"

"In all honesty Don, I know how you feel. Well maybe not exactly. I doubt I ever had a crush as bad as you…"

Don blinked. Don was surprised by the thoughtful expression on his younger brother's face.

"Wait, what are you saying Mike?" Mike smiled confidently.

"Ah come on Don bro. This may be your first brother crush but well, I've always been much more teenager than the rest of you."

Don waited, not quite knowing if what his brother was implying was true.

"Who--" Don began but Mike just rolled his eyes and silenced him with a raised hand.

"All of you."

Don's mouth opened in shock and Mike laughed. Don was surprised by how unembarrassed Mike seemed. Was it possible this was really ok? Was it really normal?

"All of us? Mikey, what do you mean?"

"I mean Donnie, that over the years I've had little crushes on all of you. Raph is always so tough and cool, you're so smart and collected, Leo so brave and loyal. Not that I thought about you guys in ah, quite the way you seem to be thinking about Leo but frankly, it isn't a big deal. Hell, not with me at least."

Don stayed silent, letting this new information sink in.

"What should I do Mikey?" he asked at last, "Do I tell him? Do I just ignore it?"

Mike gently put his hand on Don's shoulder, looking him in the eyes.

"It's up to you bro. If he wants to be with you, what would you do? Do you want something more with Leo? You need to be sure about what you feel before making a decision Donnie. If you're worried Leo might be catching on, don't be. I'll do a little snooping and find out if he's suspicious," he winked at Don, "I'm good at that sort of stuff."

Don laughed.

"When did you get so good at giving people advice Mikey?"

Mike shrugged and began to walk to the door.

"You'd be surprised Donnie. I'm not just a jokester you know."

Don watched the door close behind Michelangelo. He began to wonder just how much about his family he really knew.

The words in front of Leonardo blurred together as he tried to read. His eyes refused to focus on the page before him and he knew it wasn't because of the television. Leonardo sighed. Whenever he wanted to get his mind off a problem, he would read Dumas. Now, with _The Three Musketeers_ in front of him, it wasn't helping. Mike glanced over at Leo on the other end of the couch and noticed his faraway expression.

"You ok Leo?" he asked.

"Yea Mikey, just tired I guess," Leo replied. He glanced at the TV before returning to his book. Mike shrugged and looked back at his show. Leo let a minute tick past. When he still couldn't concentrate on his book, he cleared his throat.

"Hey Mikey, you notice anything weird about Don lately?" Leo gazed at Mike over his book but his brother just started to flip through the channels lazily, not even turning to look at him.

"What do you mean by 'weird'?" he asked casually.

"Well," Leo hesitated, "I've noticed him kind of…watching me lately. Watching and avoiding me. I was just curious if maybe I upset him somehow."

Mike didn't answer right away and Leo felt his stomach clench. The thought of Don being mad at him had been driving him crazy over the last few weeks. He remembered how over a month ago he had had the sudden urge to be with his brother all the time, whether to patrol with him or strike up random conversations when they were both up late. Then Don had started acting weird and Leo realized maybe he was being too clingy. For some reason, the thought that Don didn't like the attention had made him feel rather depressed. Did he think Leo was being creepy or something? He had never intended—

"You know, I think something is bothering Don," Mike's words brought Leo back to the present and he sat up quickly, fumbling with his book.

"What is it?" he demanded. Mike shut the TV off and turned to his brother with a stern expression that seemed out of place on his usually light hearted face.

"Listen Leo, I can't tell you. It would break Don's trust that he can confide in me. But I will tell you that I think you should talk to him. I can't help him with the problem he has but who knows? Maybe you can."

Leo chewed his lip as Mike stood and stretched. What could he do to get Don to confide in him?

"I know Leo!" Mike brightened suddenly, "why don't you patrol with Don tonight instead of me? Then it'll be just the two of you and you can take as much time as you want to sort things out. Just the two of you, all alone."

Leo felt his stomach flip again as Mikey emphasized him being alone with Don. Ignoring it, Leo nodded, eyeing his brother with a smirk.

"Good idea Mikey. But if I wasn't so worried about Don, I'd never let you get out of patrolling."

Mike grinned wickedly.

"After tonight Leo, you might not mind taking my place from time to time."

With a smug grin, Mikey confidently walked to his room. Leo watched him go, trying to figure out what his younger brother could possibly mean.

The night sky was void of clouds, but the lights of the city hid any stars that might be in the sky. Don could make out one or two, but the light of the moon didn't help much either. The moon was almost full, just missing a sliver that gave it a lopsided look. It was a relatively cool summer night, a slight breeze blowing now and then.

Don leapt onto a rooftop, slowing as he scanned the street below. He paused as he reached Leo. They were on their last patrol spot and Don realized that soon they would be heading home and he had still not spoken to Leo about his feelings.

Leo stood with one foot planted on the ledge of the roof; he was leaning over to examine the street, one arm draped over his knee. The breeze whipped his bandana tails behind him and the silver glow of the moon on his green skin gave him an unearthly appearance. Don's breath caught in his throat as he stared. Leo seemed farther out of his reach at that moment than ever before. Damn Mikey and his plan. How was he supposed to talk to Leo when he looked so stunning and godly and beautiful…

Satisfied that the street was clear, Leo turned. Noticing Don's mesmerized stare, Leo gave his brother a lopsided smile.

"You ok bro? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Don blinked, shaking his head he glanced away from his brother. _I did see a ghost Leo,_ he thought as his brother moved towards him, _the ghost that's been haunting my dreams for weeks now._

"I'm fine Leo, really," Don answered ruefully.

Leo placed a hand on Don's shoulder, giving him a worried look.

"Don, the reason I came out here on patrol tonight was because I wanted a chance to be alone with you," Leo felt Don tense beneath his touch but he continued, "We need to talk Donnie. I know something's bothering you and I'm worried about you. You know you can talk to me about anything right? I want to help you."

Don hesitated. As he looked at Leo bathed in moonlight, he felt like he was in one of those sappy romance films April had forced them to watch with her one too many times. How did those people deal with things? Long winded proclamations of love? Stuttering explanations? That wouldn't work. Don was half confused himself about what was going on. Straightening, Don decided to go with the direct approach, the one that would get results and answers he needed right away before he could explain.

Seeing Don straighten, Leo readied himself to hear an explanation but instead Don just leaned forward and pressed their beaks together. It was gentle but firm and Leo's eyes widened in shock. He stood frozen as Don moved closer, placing a hand on Leo's plastron. When Don pulled away Leo stared wide eyed at his brother. Don didn't speak just watched as Leo opened his mouth, then closed it. He opened it again but no words came out and it remained open in a gape of surprise. Don observed all this instantly, taking note that Leo wasn't running away. _God, that felt really good…_

Feeling bold and encouraged, Don leaned forward, eyes closed, he let his tongue trace along Leo's open mouth. He felt Leo's body relax under his hand and opened his eyes to see Leo's eyes fluttering shut, a peaceful look on his face. Don stopped, removing his hand from Leo's body and stepping away. Now he would see what Leo did next.

Leo took a deep breath, opening his eyes with a disappointed look before composing himself. Don sighed and looked up at the night sky.

"That's what's been bothering me Leo. You."

Leo watched Don's moonlit face, a mix of sadness and acceptance. Leo knew he was readying himself for the worst. He followed Don's gaze and they both stared at the moon in silence. Leo's mind was racing. His stomach had preformed flip-flops when Don had kissed him. Don's close proximity and his following actions had made Leo feel like he was either melting or floating. Either way he had felt like he was in heaven. The idea that he finally realized why he had wanted to be near Don and why he had been so worried, frightened Leo. But then he realized his brother must be feeling the same, waiting for him to reject him or tell him his feelings were wrong. Leo returned his gaze to his brother.

"Donnie," he said softly, "I'm sorry, I didn't know. If you had only told me sooner-"

"Would that have made a difference Leo?" Don asked.

"Don, we're brothers. Even if we had this for awhile, it wouldn't last. In the end, something would tear us apart and I couldn't deal with that. I wouldn't be able to survive leaving you when I finally knew what it was like to be with you."

Now Don looked surprised.

"Leo…are you saying what I think you're saying? You feel the same way?"

Leo grinned.

"How long have you felt this way about me Don?"

Don shifted uncomfortably.

"Well….about a month now. I'm not even really sure what I feel." Leo laughed. He shrugged and waved his hand through the air in a dismissive gesture.

"Ah that's nothing Don. I've been confused about my feelings for you for months now."

Suddenly Don was in front of him, their faces inches apart.

"Really Leo?" Don asked breathlessly, "Tell me you're not lying. Tell me you know what to do next, that you're not as confused as I am."

Leo smiled.

"I'm sure I'm more confused Don. Listen, we can help each other through this but we can't act on anything. It'd never last and I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you or you got hurt because we were together."

Leo stopped rambling. What was he saying? He didn't even know what he meant when he said 'together'. Would they be in a relationship or lovers or both?

His depressed thoughts were interrupted by Don kissing him again, this time more forcefully. Don's tongue gently nudged at his closed lips begging for entrance. Leo eagerly obeyed, wrapping his arms around his brother to pull him closer.

Slowly, Don broke the kiss, his hands gently lying on Leo's shoulders.

"Donnie," Leo whispered huskily. Don chuckled, pulling away from Leo.

They stayed silent for awhile, letting the breeze cool them down as it rolled over their bodies.

"I don't know what's going to happen next Don," Leo said slowly, "It's not going to be easy."

"What is with us?" Don replied, "I just know I've been going crazy lately and now….I feel like everything's going to be ok." Leo nodded.

"So now what?" he asked shyly. Don smiled.

"Well, I don't think our first time should be on a New York City roof," he teased, taking note of Leo's blush he continued: "We'll wait to go back to the lair until everyone's asleep. Our patrols have gone late into the night before, no one should be suspicious."

He rested his arms on Leo's shoulders and absently began to tangle the fingers of his right hand in Leo's bandana ties.

"And until then?" Leo asked, his eyes fixed on Don's. He felt lost in those eyes, hypnotized in the sparkling golden brown orbs.

"I can think of something," Don whispered, leaning towards him.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: TMNT does not belong to me, and most likely never will...the world is a cruel, cruel place :(

_Author'sNote: I noticed that the symbols I used to separate sections didn't show up in the last chapter. Sorry about that! Hopefully they will this time._

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**Two years later**

_Tiptoeing through a silent lair into a dark room lit by a single candle. Gentle touches, soft whispers, unbridled passion. Soaring higher and higher, until it seemed like nothing could ever reach them, happiness and pleasure like he had never known before…_

Leonardo felt himself drifting out of his dream. He tried to cling to its fading remnants, but found the pull of the waking world was just too strong. The memory of his first night with Donatello was one he wouldn't mind reliving over and over again. Two years later, it was still one of the sweetest memories of his life.

He gently reentered the waking world to find soft fingers absently stroking his forehead. The motion was soothing and Leo reluctantly opened his eyes. His head was pillowed comfortably in Donatello's lap and he gazed up into his brother's serene face. Don was engrossed in a book he held in his other hand. The book had a hard red cover with gold letters fading on the spine and front. The pages were yellow and crinkled and Leo had no doubt that Don had found it on one of their scavenging trips.

They were in Don's room on his bed. It was the weekend and practice wouldn't start until late in the afternoon so that they had a chance to sleep. If the brothers were honest with themselves, it was mostly so that Splinter could get some much needed rest. As they grew older, so did he.

Leonardo assumed that it wasn't very late because Michelangelo had yet to enter the room and warn them that the others were up and about. Leo smiled at the thought of the orange banded turtle. Over the years Mike had been a great help in hiding the evolving relationship between Leo and Don. Leo knew he owed him a lot.

The elder turtle contained a sigh of annoyance at the thought of leaving Don's lap, but he knew he would have to eventually. Grudgingly, Leo began to sit up but suddenly his head jerked back and roughly returned to Don's lap.

Leo blinked and discovered Don looking down at him with a mischievous grin.

"Going somewhere?" he taunted, tugging again on Leo's bandana ties.

Leo grimaced, reaching up to touch the bandana around his eyes.

"I forgot I still had it on. How come you didn't take it off?"

Don's grin softened and he gently began to stroke Leo's forehead again.

"Because it makes you look sexy, blue boy."

Leo laughed quietly.

"Oh so I don't look sexy without it?"

"It just adds to your natural sexiness."

"Stop flattering me, Donnie. And what's with you calling me blue boy? You've never given me a decent explanation."

"Alliteration."

"I've heard that before. So you wouldn't call me yellow boy if I wore a yellow bandana?"

Don snorted.

"Of course not. Yellow boy doesn't sound as good as blue boy."

"Whatever you say, braniac."

"Mr. Perfect."

"Bookworm."

"Teacher's pet."

"Know-it-all."

"Arrogant stubborn-ass."

Leo laughed, clutching his chest.

"Ouch Donnie! That was a bit harsh," Leo pouted, "You always go straight for the kill. Have you no heart?"

Don smiled warmly.

"Actually I have two."

Leo felt himself blush as Don leaned down, giving him a peck on the beak before returning to read his book. Leo stayed where he was, letting his eyes wander from Don's face to the ceiling, which he began to examine as he let his thoughts drift. Donnie's last words stuck in his mind, giving him a warm tingly feeling he would never admit to. The side of his mouth quirked slightly as he thought of what Raph would say if he only knew. _Probably beat me to a pulp for being a weakling_.

His drifting mind settled on a memory from a year ago. They had escaped from the lair and returned to the rooftop where months before they had confessed their feelings to each other. It had been a cool night with only a few clouds and the sense of freedom at being away from possible prying eyes was overwhelming. It had been their way of commemorating the time that had passed since they had been together. Sure they weren't a normal 'couple' but they figured they should do something to celebrate. Leo smiled. The memory had been the source of Don's earlier words…

Leo was jolted from his reverie by Don bouncing his crossed legs.

"Mikey's knocking," he stated.

Right on cue another knock sounded on the door. Leo quickly sat up and slid off the bed. He unlocked the door and opened it, unphased by Mikey's head popping in as soon as the door was open a crack.

"Morning bros," he greeted them brightly. Don smiled at Mikey over his book.

"Morning Mikey," they both answered.

"Raphie's stumbling around the kitchen and I heard Splinter moving around in his room. I'm sure he'll be out soon. You should make your escape Leo bro."

"What time is it?" Don asked inattentively, returning to his book.

"About twelve-thirty."

"Ok Mikey, I'll be out in a second. Thanks again, for everything."

Mike turned to Leo, his eyes glinting. Leo stared in confusion as Mikey batted his eyes at him, his grin growing.

"No problem blue boy," he answered in a swooning voice, ducking out the door as Leo reached out to slap him. Closing the door, Leo turned and pretended he didn't hear Don chuckling behind his book.

"You're not going to give me the silent treatment are you Leo? I swear I didn't tell him to call you that. He must have overheard us sometime," Don finally closed his book, placing it in his lap. His eyes followed Leo as his older brother wandered around the room collecting his gear. Leo dressed in silence, then picked Don's mask off his desk and moved to stand by the bed.

He tried to keep a straight face as he handed Don his mask but watching Don tie it effortlessly behind his head and then grin happily up at him broke Leo's composure.

"No, I'm not mad," he sighed, giving Don a quick kiss on the forehead before walking to the door. He paused with his hand on the doorknob, turning to give Don a mock glare.

"But if Raph starts calling me blue boy it's over Donnie."

Don nodded solemnly, once again opening the book in his lap.

"Agreed o Fearless one."

"See you in a few," Leo replied before slipping silently out the door.

>> > > > > > > > 

Leo was greeted with a familiar scene as he entered the kitchen. Raph sat at the table with his head in his hands, drifting in and out of sleep while Mikey whistled happily, wide awake as he finished making breakfast. Mike slid the dishes expertly along the table so they stopped in each of their respective spots. Don entered a moment later and Raph was suddenly wide awake stuffing his face.

This morning Leonardo remained silent, half listening to his brother's conversations. Their morning ritual was so familiar. It had barely changed over the years. He realized a lot of things in their lives were static, no matter how much time passed. Even at 21, the turtles still trained, patrolled, ate and lived together. Though no one was complaining, Leo often wondered how long this would last. Leo knew he was lucky, for he had seen more of the world than his brothers. Splinter was getting older and eventually he would be in charge of the family. But what would he do when one of his brothers voiced a desire to see the larger world? Would keeping them together, in their unchanging environment, be the best way for them to live? Increasingly Leo had been wondering who would be the first to leave…

His gaze slide from brother to brother, finally resting on Raphael. He realized then that Raph had stopped taking part in Don and Mikey's conversation and was staring intently at his empty breakfast plate. Leo knew a quiet Raph usually meant something was bothering his brother which would lead to him being in a bad mood the rest of the day. Something their ailing Sensei didn't have the strength to deal with lately.

Feeling Leo's gaze, Raph looked up. They stared at each other a moment, then Raph nodded his head ever so slightly towards the door. Taking the hint, Leo excused himself from the table and quickly headed towards the dojo.

Leo tried to keep his nervousness at bay as he waited for his brother. He hoped Raph would get whatever was bothering him off his chest and then be reasonable the rest of the day. For their father's sake. But Leo was worried that what was bothering him might be something he had brought up to Leo before. A couple of weeks ago Raph had cornered him after practice and asked if everything was ok with Donatello. Apparently he noticed Leo paying a bit more attention than usual to Don and thought that something was bugging their brainy brother. Leo had assured him everything was fine and Don was just a bit stressed out but Leo wasn't sure Raph had bought it. After that, Leo was extremely careful about the way he acted towards Donnie. Leo didn't think he was doing anything differently than he had over the last two years but there must have been a reason for Raph's sudden curiosity. Leo hadn't even told Don about Raph's question. What if Raph had finally figured it out?

The sound of the door closing made Leo turn. Raph stood motionless by the door, a frown on his face.

"We need to talk, Leo" he stated. Leo couldn't stop a lopsided smile from spreading across his face. Good ol' Raph, always straight to the point.

"Good morning to you too."

Raph glared at his older sibling and Leo sighed in exasperation.

"Fine, Raph. What is it?"

"Splinter asked me about you and Don again." Raph took note of Leo's darkening expression, the look making him more unsure about the current situation.

"What do you mean by again?" Leo asked. Raph folded his arms.

"Last week Splinter asked me if I noticed anything different about the way you guys have been acting. Yesterday he asked if I knew anything about it. He said he sensed something going on and was worried. I told'em I didn't know anything but I doubt he believed me. What the fuck's going on, Leo? I let you off the hook awhile ago but it ain't happening this time. Now that Splinter's asking questions you need to tell me."

Leo hesitated. His relationship with Raphael had always been complicated. Their teenage years had been the worse, full of fights and constant confrontations. Not that they didn't have the odd serious conversation, it just wasn't the norm. Lately those conversations had been taking the place of their arguments and Leo didn't want to lose that. It was like they were finally growing up.

"Why didn't he come to me or Don and ask?" Leo began slowly, "Why did he ask you first?"

Raph shrugged.

"That's what I said, Leo, but he seemed adamant about not mentioning his worries to you two," Raph paused, "it was like he was afraid of what you might say."

There was a brief silence and Leo could see Raph tense.

"Tell me the truth, Leo. Is Don…sick?"

"Sick?" Leo blinked in surprise, "no, Raph, Don's not sick."

"Christ, Leo, if you found out and think you're protecting the rest of us just admit it! He's my brother too!"

Raph clenched his fists, glaring at Leo.

"Raph, listen to me. Don's not sick. It's nothing like that ok? He's not dying or anything."

"Then what?" Raph growled in frustration, "I'm finished lying to Splinter. I'm not going to keep telling him everything's ok when I damn well know it isn't."

Options, plans, and lies whirled in Leo's mind faster than he could count. It wasn't Raphael's fault that he was getting mixed up in things and it certainly wasn't fair. He was just worried about his brother. The fact that Splinter was sensing something after all this time felt like a punishment to Leo for hiding his relationship with Don for so long. Now they were being pressed into either lying or admitting to everything.

"Ok, Raph," Leo sighed, "I'll tell you what's going on. But not now. I need to speak with Don first."

Raph waited for Leo to elaborate and when he didn't he snorted.

"Fine, Leo, pretend like you know what's best for everyone _again_. But if you don't tell me what's going on by tomorrow I'm going straight to Splinter to tell him something's definitely wrong. Whatever it is you're hiding, it better be worth lying to your whole family. Even Mikey won't forgive you for keeping secret something we should all know about."

Leo would have laughed at Raph's last words if the situation hadn't been so bleak. Before Leo could reply Don and Mike burst into the room closely followed by Splinter and a moment later their training began.

It wasn't as grueling as their usually training sessions. Splinter seemed extremely tired and Leonardo soon found himself giving most of the commands as Splinter silently looked on. When it came time to pair off and spar, Leo paired Raph with Don and led Mike away from Splinter before beginning. As the sounds of sparring filled the room, Leo moved closer to his brother.

"We need to talk Mikey," Leo grunted as his brother slipped out of reach.

"'bout what bro?"

Leo grimaced as Mike whapped him on the leg. He lunged forward,

maneuvering his brother so that his back was to the wall.

"Splinter asked Raph if anything was going on with me and Don."

"Yea I know," was Mike's whispered reply, "he asked both of us."

Leo was so shocked by the news that Mike was able to get through his guard again and Leo cursed silently as he flipped away, his shoulder throbbing. Soon they were close again and Leo voiced his anger.

"You knew Splinter was asking about us and you didn't say anything? What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking bro, that like always I would protect you two. I was throwing him off the scent. Don't worry."

The idea of Mikey always protecting them made Leo feel a pang of guilt. Wasn't it his job to protect everybody? Was his secret forcing his responsibilities onto his younger brother?

The pair finished their spar without further discussion. As usual when their training was done, his brothers left to attend to their separate tasks and Leo sat beside his Sensei to join him in meditation. As he began to meditate, Leo tried to ignore the feeling that his father was watching him more carefully than usual and his mind wandered back to his earlier thoughts about them each going their separate ways. It made his heart ache but at the same time he realized it might have to be done. It wasn't fair that he was the only one to ever travel far from home; to ever truly discover something about his character and resolve. The thoughts thinned to flimsy wisps as he entered deeper into meditation, where such worries were never welcome.

>> > > > > > > > > 

It was late when Leo slipped stealthily into Don's room. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he was surprised to find the room before him empty. He was about to leave when a pair of hands gently gripped his waist and hot breath tickled his neck. Turning his head slightly in an effort to see Donatello, Leo frowned.

"Surprise," Don teased.

"Ninjas," Leo grumbled, receiving a chuckle from his brother, "I thought you might still be in your workshop. Don, I've got to talk to you."

"About what?"

Leo couldn't conceal a shiver as Don's breath warmed his neck again.

"Don, I'm trying to be serious here--"

"Well I don't want serious Leo tonight," Don interrupted. He tugged on Leo's bandana ties, tilting his head back.

"I want mischievous Leo to come out and play."

Something wet slid along Leo's pulse and he gasped.

"Really, Donnie!" he cried in a shaking voice. Leo quickly moved away from his brother, wearily watching him as Don advanced with a lecherous grin.

"Don wait!" Leo spoke fast as he cautiously stepped back, "Splinter may know about us!"

The statement stopped Don in his tracks, the grin wiped from his face.

"What do you mean?"

Taking a deep breath, Leo explained everything from when Raph originally questioned him to his discussion with Mikey. When he finished, Don sat on his bed with a thoughtful expression.

"What are you thinking, Donnie?" Leo asked, moving to sit next to him.

"I'm thinking you really know how to kill the mood, Leo."

Leo frowned.

"Don…" he warned. Don sighed.

"Well, we've got to tell Splinter. And Raph. It'd be best if we do it soon too. You said Raph was going to go to Splinter tomorrow if you didn't talk to him right?"

Leo nodded.

"Well then we'll have to do it early in the morning. It might be best if Mikey breaks the news to Raph while we talk to Splinter," Don smiled weakly, "that way Raph can't get to us to kill us right away."

The silence stretched between them and suddenly Leo felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He knew Donnie was feeling the same and Leo wished he could take that from him. He slid closer to Don and snaked an arm around his waist.

"Don't worry Don, it'll all be fine."

Don didn't reply but pressed himself closer to Leo, as if the reassurance from his words weren't enough and he needed to be as close to Leo as possible to know they were true.

"I hope you're right," Don murmured. Slowly they rearranged themselves on the bed to sleep. As they lay there, they knew that night sleep would not come easily.


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT

_Author's Note: So this chapter gave me a pretty hard time. I always find it hard writing Splinter! But I know the only way to improve is to actually do it...gah...critiques most welcome :)_

* * *

Michelangelo wasn't easy to wake early in the morning, but between Leo and Don they were able to rouse their little brother and explain the situation. Mikey seemed to sense his brother's nervousness and translated it into a hyper eagerness for them to speak to Splinter as soon as possible. Apparently he was willing to wake Raph as early as he had to and deal with his crankiness.

Leonardo let his mind wander to how that conversation was going as he nervously gripped his thighs and stared at the floor. Don sat in a similar fashion beside him, on his knees, sitting back on his ankles. For the last five minutes Leo and Don had sat before their pacing Sensei in silence. They had greeted him during his morning tea telling him they had something important to speak with him about. Leo had begun to explain and only faltered at the sound of broken china as the tea cup slipped from his father's already shaky grasp to break on the floor. Now, he paced in front of his sons, the only sound in the room the thunk of his walking stick on the floor. Finally he paused in front of them. As Leo looked up he stole a glance at Donatello. His brother just gazed at their father impassively. Leo turned his gaze to Splinter's face to do the same.

"This comes as a shock, my sons," Splinter began slowly. Leo noticed his deathlike grip on his walking stick and felt his spirits began to wilt.

"For something like this to have gone on in our home for two years without my knowledge…I would have warned you of the difficulties of pursuing such a….relationship."

Splinter hesitated. He felt like he was going to faint but he kept himself standing solid in front of his sons. This morning had been rough for him, waking in a fit of coughs and finding himself barely able to drink his tea. His health truly was worsening and he knew he wouldn't be able to hide how poorly he felt for much longer. But now with this news, Splinter realized he would have to present the strong father figure presence to his sons. Clearly he had not been there enough, for his sons had lost their way. _Or had they?_ Splinter would admit that the thought had entered his mind when his sons were teens that they would become curious about being sexually active. As the only mutant turtles, of course the option of experimenting with each other would seem better than risking exposing the entire family to an outside relationship. He remembered having the whole sex talk with his sons, a quite embarrassing conversation but necessary. Donatello had started asking questions first; of course he was always the most curious and intellectual of the bunch. But a long term relationship?

Splinter shook his head, realizing he was losing focus on the task at hand.

"Do your brothers know of this?"

"No, father," Leonardo answered, "they don't know anything about it."

From his father's reaction so far, Leo didn't think Splinter would like the idea of Michelangelo knowing and keeping their secret.

"Good. I am very disappointed in the both of you. I would expect you both to think of the family first before yourselves. As a team of four, two cannot care for each other more than the others. It could lead to favoritism in battle, and cost one of your brother's their lives."

Don opened his mouth to answer but was cut off by an angry Leonardo.

"I'd never do that, Sensei," Leonardo spoke first, "I would never favor Don over Raph or Mike. It's been two years and--"

"And you would tell me that not once have you found yourself worried more about Donatello's well being than the others?"

Leo stayed silent and Don looked at him in surprise. Splinter sighed.

"My sons, I realize these feelings are very complicated. As a family, we will be able to work through this but that means you can no longer have such an intimate relationship."

"We're not children anymore, father," Donatello's voice held an edge to it that Leo recognized. His brother was trying to keep himself from showing his anger.

"We love each other. We thought you'd understand and be happy for us…"

Splinter's eyes suddenly turned sad. Maybe it was the disappointment in Donatello's voice or the forlorn look in both his son's eyes.

"Leonardo, will you leave us a moment. I would like to speak with each of you in private."

Leo stood, bowing stiffly to his father. He gently squeezed Don's shoulder before leaving the room.

Leo could hear the sound of raised voices by the time he reached the couch. He flopped onto it, staring at the black television screen. His father's last words echoed in his mind. Leonardo couldn't help but feel that they had been directly aimed at him. As the leader Leo was supposed to think of the well being of the entire family. What Leo didn't quite understand was how loving Don could be so wrong that it could ruin them all?

The minutes ticked past. The muffled voices were only interrupted by a loud yell from Raph's room. Leo turned to see Raph fuming in his doorway. Raph spotted Leo on the couch and was about to make his way toward him, no doubt to make him feel a world of pain, when Leo heard Mikey's shout from the room's depths and suddenly two hands were dragging Raph back in, slamming the door closed. His brother's shouts got louder and Leo turned back to stare at the screen. He buried his face in his hands and sighed. His life was going to hell…

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

"Get yer fucking hands off me, Mikey!"

"Not until you calm down, Raph! You were going to beat Leo to a bloody pulp!"

"And he deserves it! How could you be ok with him taking advantage of Donnie like this?"

"He wasn't, Raph! I _told_ you that I found out about Don liking Leo before Leo even said a word!"

Raph stood in front of his younger brother as stiff as wood. His hands were clenched at his sides, his face twisted in anger. Mike stood in front of him, hands on his hips as he glared at his hot headed sibling.

"They care about each other, Raph! And we're the only mutant turtles on the planet! It makes sense that eventually we'd all...you know…"

"No way, Mikey. Not _me_. For Christ's sake we're brothers!"

"And all we have are each other, Raphie."

Mike spoke softly and silence settled on the pair. Mike's last words seemed to deflate his brother a little. Raph grumbled as he moved to sit on his hammock.

"God Mikey….what's Splinter going to do? He better not think you and me are foolin' around."

Mike laughed sitting next to his brother on the hammock, causing it to swing slightly back and forth.

"Not a chance, Raphie boy. I'm sure you'd be much too rough for me OW!"

Mike rubbed the back of his head, glaring at his brother.

"Shut yer trap, Mikey, I'm trying to think."

"Oh, were the mental images too good for y-OW!"

Raph stayed silent a moment, ignoring his brother's whines as he rubbed his head.

"But, Mikey," he began slowly, "how could they….I mean, we're dudes."

Raph frowned distastefully and Mike laughed.

"Want me to draw you a picture, Raph?" Mike ducked away from Raph's hand, grinning wickedly and Raph couldn't help but smirk.

"It doesn't matter to them, Raph, they love each other," Mike replied quietly. Raph examined his brother's face. He sensed envy in Mikey and that just disturbed him further. He forced a chuckle.

"You're insane ya know that? But apparently you're a loyal crackpot. You've really helped Leo and Don out all these years huh?"

Mike nodded.

"You ever…think about it, Mikey?"

Mikey blinked at him, confused. Then he smiled weakly.

"Why don't you get over Leo and Don being together before we have that discussion, bro?"

Raph just nodded, not really wanting to have more to process at the moment.

"You think you can be civil now, Raph? If things don't go well with Splinter, our bros are going to need us."

Raph grimaced.

"I won't promise ya anything Mikey, but I'll try."

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >

The door opened so fast that Leo almost didn't see Don running out of the room. Leonardo could hear Splinter calling him to enter, but for the first time Leo ignored him-- instead following his brother. Leo stood in the doorway to Don's room and watched as Don darted from place to place. It took a minute for Leo to realize that Don was collecting some of his things. A chill ran through Leo. _No…_

"Don, what's going on?"

Don continued to dart around the room, ignoring Leo as he began to pack. Leo stood in the middle of the room in silence, just watching. Finally Don stopped. He stared at the pile of belongings he had collected on his bed.

"I'm going to need a few things from my workshop," he croaked. Leo moved quickly, placing a hand on Donatello's shoulder and turning him around. Don's eyes were misty and his face seemed to be contorted in pain.

"What's going on?" Leo asked softly, dreading the answer.

"He's sending me away, Leo" Don's voice quaked. Before Leo could speak Don placed a hand over his mouth.

"You know how I was going to spend a couple of days with April next week to help her get that new project of hers started? Well, I'm just going to go stay with her a bit early. Splinter thinks we need time apart for the family to be able to deal with this…"

Don lowered his hand.

"That's not so bad, Don!" Leo answered hurriedly, trying to grasp at some sort of hope from the situation, "It's only April's! Just the other day I was saying how when you went we'd still be able to see each other all the time. You tried to teach me all that computer stuff but like I said we don't need it…"

A bitter laugh from Don made Leo's assurances die off. Don turned and began to pack again.

"You should have paid attention to that computer stuff, Leo. You're not going to be allowed to go to April's."

Leo felt like his head was spinning. What was going on?

"What do you mean 'not allowed'? April's our friend. That's just ridiculous…"

"Leo, I doubt he's even going to let you leave the lair--"

Leo didn't wait to hear Don finish his sentence. He was out of the room in a flash and barging in on his Sensei a moment later.

"Leonardo," Splinter's voice was stern, "I have been calling for you. Why have you not--"

Leo fell to his knees hard and Splinter winced at the sound. Though the action must have hurt, Leonardo gave no sign of feeling pain. In fact he seemed to be only feeling rage as he stared at his father.

"You're sending him away."

Leo's voice was cold and Splinter glanced away from his son's pained expression.

"You are the leader, Leonardo. I had hoped that one day when I am gone it would be you who would watch over our family. Your brother's need discipline, support, and your relationship with Donatello will hinder your duty in doing that."

"My love for Donatello only strengthens me, father."

The confidence in Leo's voice made Splinter waver a moment. This was all happening so fast. Could it be he was acting too rashly? A sudden tingle in his chest caused him to cough and soon Leonardo was on his feet and at his father's side helping him to sit as the coughing subsided.

"Father! I…"

Splinter could feel Leonardo's worried eyes boring into him. Splinter covered his son's hand with his own, taking deep steady breaths to regain his composure.

"You see, Leonardo, I am concerned because I know I am becoming older as the days pass. Soon, you will be the head of the family."

Leo's face fell but before he could speak Splinter shushed him.

"I am not exiling Donatello from our home. I love him as much as I love you all. However, your brothers and I will need time to adjust to this information. I am sure the coming days will not be easy for you, especially in the unsure atmosphere that is sure to befall our home. I stand by what I said before, that I do not think it is wise for you two to pursue a relationship together. If one of you were to one day realize you no longer felt the same and ended it, how would that affect our family? Would one of you leave? Would you be hostile towards one another forever? You must think also of the future Leonardo, not solely of the present. That is why I am sending Donatello early to April's. It is also why I forbid you to see him. The two of you need time apart to think and discover if you are truly willing to pursue what you have started, no matter the consequences."

Splinter paused again, his raspy breathing filling the room. Slowly, Splinter tried to stand. Leo helped him up, clutching his father's arm tightly. How could he argue with Splinter when it seemed like a breeze could snap him?

"Your brother's will be allowed to see Donatello whenever they wish. And I will not forbid you from all surface activities. I will only ask that one of your brothers accompany you at all times when you go above."

"But father--"

"This is not up for discussion, my son. It is the way things will be," Splinter cleared his throat with an effort, "now Leonardo, we will wish Donatello farewell."

As Leonardo helped his father out the door he caught sight of Mike and Raph standing with Donatello in the lair. Mike had a bag over his shoulder and Raph was standing a few feet away. He stood stiffly and glared at Leo as he neared.

Don was trying hard not to cry. Even though his father had assured him the arrangement was only temporary, it still felt like he was being expelled from his home. He had already called April and told her he was coming early. Though she said it was fine, Don was dreading telling her the reason why. Since they were confessing to everyone anyway, Don knew he'd have to tell April and Casey and deal with the results. Hopefully they wouldn't feel the need to kick him out as well…

The bags at his feet felt like they were filled with lead as he picked them up. Don tried to avoid Leo's eyes as he bowed to Splinter and wished him goodbye. The weak appearance of his Sensei however made Don glance worriedly at Leo. He hoped Leonardo hadn't yelled at Splinter and caused him to be in his current state. Leo forced a smile. The awkward silence that followed reached an unbearable peak. Finally, Leo spoke.

"Don't worry, Don," Leo's voice sounded detached but Don knew Leo was trying to reassure him. Don't worry about Sensei, don't worry about Raph, don't worry about him…

"I'll see you soon. Tell April I said hi."

"Of course," Don couldn't keep the harshness out of his voice. Not able to stand the atmosphere another moment he quickly turned and headed for the door. Mike hesitated, glancing from Leo to Splinter to Raph before smiling feebly at Leo and running to catch up with Don.

Raph grunted and shook his head, heading back to his room. Leonardo stared at the door, only moving when Splinter gently nudged him and asked to be helped to the kitchen.


	4. Chapter 3

* * *

Leonardo would have loved to spend the rest of his day locked in his room, away from the uncomfortable atmosphere saturating the lair. But Leo realized sulking in his room would only prove Splinter right, that his relationship with Don would hinder his ability to lead and cause rifts within the family. So instead of the sweet sanctuary of his room, Leo placed himself where anyone walking in the lair would see him, firmly on the couch. Leo stared at the blank screen of the television for awhile, before dazedly reaching for the remote and changing the channels. Upon Mikey's return from bringing Don to April's, Splinter had summoned Mike and Raph into his room. As Leo watched the images flash by in a blur of colors on the screen, he prayed that his brothers would keep quiet about knowing about him and Don. If Splinter found out he had lied….

The door to Splinter's room opened and his brothers exited. Leo noticed Splinter stayed behind as Raph softly closed the door behind him. Mikey quickly made his way to the couch, flopping beside Leo. Leo could feel his younger brother's eyes on him and turned to see a familiar look on Mikey's face. The look Mikey usually gave before he had to break bad news that really _really_ wasn't his fault.

"What happened, Mikey?" Leo asked bluntly. Mike hesitated. Leo's voice sounded dead, so emotionless that Mike dreaded telling him about his talk with Splinter.

"He told us, bro" Mike began softly, "and we didn't say a word about knowing, not even Raph!" Mike tried to sound optimistic but Leo just nodded once and returned his gaze to the television. Mike glanced back at Raph, who was pacing behind the couch with his arms folded, and realized he'd be receiving no help from his red banded brother. Mike looked back at Leo, trying to bury himself further in the couch. Maybe he'd get lucky and the couch could just suck him up right then and there and he wouldn't have to tell Leo that—

"How'd he find out, Mike?"

Mikey flinched at Leo's guess.

"I…I don't know, Leo. I guess we didn't seem as shocked as we should have been. And you know when Splinter gives you that look, as if his eyes are seeing right into the very depths of your soul…" Mike's voice trailed off. Leo's face looked stricken, even if his eyes did remain on the screen.

"He….wants us to be there for the both of you but…he seemed pretty upset about you lying. He thinks this is bad for the family, you know?"

"And we have to act like your damn babysitters," Raph growled. Mike quickly leapt from the couch, glancing from Leo to Raph.

"I think I better go and uh feed Klunk or er make a pizza or something…"

Raph watched Mike disappear from the room in a flash of green and orange. He grunted, staring at the back of Leo's head.

"Look at you Fearless. The great Leonardo, no longer daddy's favorite son all because you were fucking your baby bro."

Raph watched Leo stiffen and shook his head.

"Mikey says you guys love each other…more than bros. I don't really care what yas do in your bedrooms but did ya have to tell Splinter? Hell, ya had to tell me? Now Don's been sent away, Mikey's trying to take over your responsibilities and protect everybody and I'm acting as your goddamn personal bodyguard!"

Raph felt his blood boiling. Leo continued to just sit on the couch, flipping through the channels as he stiffly refused to turn and face Raphael. Raph growled and moved fast, roughly grabbing Leo's shoulder and turning him around. Leo didn't see the punch coming, lost in his thoughts and trying not to let Raph's words hurt, Leo still found himself hurting and sprawled on the floor, the remote flying from his hand and falling to the floor with a clang. He glared up at Raph, rubbing his jaw.

"If you hate me so much for loving Don, why didn't you tell Splinter about Mikey knowing and telling you about us?" His voice was low and threatening and Raph realized Leo had a lot of anger and frustration he was holding inside. If he pushed Leo hard enough, Raph would have a tough fight on his hands. Part of Raph really wanted to goad Leo into that fight. It might help Raph deal with his own confusion and frustration with the situation. But that little part inside Raph, the part he hated and tried to ignore when it wanted him to be all mushy and understanding, was screaming at him that this would only make things worse for a brother already hurting more than Raph could understand…and that by hurting Leo he'd also hurt Don in the process. When he found out that is.

"I ain't a squealer," Raph said gruffly, looking away from Leo to gaze at the floor, "and I knew it'd only get Mikey in trouble," he hesitated, "This just ain't natural, Leo, you and Don…but Mikey says you really love each other. Somethin' I guess I won't ever understand. And I know you're hurting and all 'cause of Splinter not accepting yas…" Raph rubbed the back of his neck, walking to his brother and holding out his hand.

"Like I told Mike before, I'm not goin' to get comfortable with this real soon. But you're my bros and I love yas no matter what crazy shit you get yourselves into. So…I promise I won't punch ya anymore," he grinned ruefully, "not over this anyway."

Leo blinked. He had gotten himself all geared up, ready for a bloody bruising fight with his brother, a way to let everything he felt building inside out. But at Raph's last words Leo felt all of it melting away, leaving him exhausted. Leo sighed, grabbing Raph's hand and letting his brother pull him up. Leo made a move to hug him but Raph quickly moved away.

"And no touchin'," he snapped, "it's just…weird at the moment."

Leo stared at him with wide eyes, then nodded.

"Ok, Raph." His voice sounded hollow even to Raph as he watched Leo return to his spot on the couch. He stared at the screen, ignoring the remote on the floor and Raph just shook his head and started to walk away.

"And thanks. For not telling Splinter."

Raph stopped in his tracks and turned towards his brother, but was only greeted with the sight of Leo staring at the TV. _Like he never spoke at all,_ Raph thought heading to the dojo. He had a date with a punching bag…

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

Mike felt himself breath again as Raph headed to the dojo. Silently, he slipped from the kitchen, picking the remote off the floor and once again joining Leo on the couch. Leo ignored Mike as he sprawled out, laying his head in his older brother's lap. Mike grinned goofily up at his brother but the grin soon vanished as Leo made no move that he noticed.

"Geez, you'd think I killed your puppy or something'" Mike pouted, beginning to change the channels. Leo sighed and gently rubbed the top of Mike's head. Mike couldn't help a smile creep onto his face.

"I'm sorry, Mike. I'm not mad at you. It's just this whole day so far has been…too much."

Mike nodded, returning to look up at his brother. Leo's jaw was turning a purple color that contrasted greatly to his green skin. As Leo looked down to meet Mike's gaze, he found himself reminded of the position he had awoken with Don the day before and his stomach clenched.

"I'm really grateful to you, Mikey. For everything you've done for me…I never should have asked you to keep our secret…or help us out. I've been burdening you with my responsibilities. Sensei was right about some things--"

"Stop!" Mike's cry surprised Leo and he discovered Mike was glaring at him.

"Just stop it, Leo ok? The whole 'poor Mikey with too much responsibility'

speech ends now. I'm not a kid, Leo, I don't spend my whole day skateboarding and stuffing my face with junk food like I used to, or didn't u notice?"

Leo blinked. His brother had kept his quirky tendencies over the years. Mikey was Mikey after all. But his little brother definitely wasn't the carefree, no work teenager he used to be. They'd been through too much over the years.

"Sorry, Mike," Leo smiled apologetically, "I guess I'm not used to thinking of my baby bro as all grown up."

Mike wrinkled his beak at the 'baby bro' term but nodded, accepting the apology.

"So, do you want to know how things really went at April's or what?"

Leo froze.

"Tell me, Mike," he said seriously. Mike grew solemn.

"I won't lie to you, Leo, Don was pretty upset. We took the long way to April's so he could calm down a bit before showing up. Then we got there and well….explained everything right away."

"How'd they take it?" Leo held his breath.

"Um, well…they were fine with Don staying. But they also agreed that it'd be good for the two of you not to see each other. April was a lot cooler than Casey about the whole thing, which isn't really a surprise considering he and Raph are like the same per-" Mike sputtered at Leo's glare, "sorry off topic…anyway, they think you're just confused. You know, feeling lonely, experimenting as you get older and stuff. They think once you spend time apart you'll realize it was just for fun and…end it."

The disappointment showed in Leo's eyes for only a moment before he regained his composure. Leo turned his gaze to the TV, patting Mike's head in thanks.

"Ok, Mike. Thanks for telling me."

Mike sat up, realizing Leo probably wanted to be alone. Then he brightened.

"You know, Leo, I can help you see Don."

Leo's gaze snapped to Mike instantly.

"What are you talking about?" he demanded. Mike's eyes turned devious.

"Well," he began, "not right away of course. We'd have to wait a few days. And now that Sensei knows me and Raph knew he's probably not going to trust us watching you topside for awhile. But when he does let us go with you, I'll go with you one night and we can arrange to meet Don. I'll take care of April and Case too. I have time to come up with a plan. Who knows? In a few days Raph might be willing to help…"

Leo's face beamed and Mike felt a thrill of happiness. He loved being able to cheer his brothers up.

"You mean it, Mike? I couldn't ask you to do more than you already have for us, and you could get into real trouble with Splinter--"

Mike held up a hand silencing him.

"No problem, Leo bro. I'm offering. You think on it and I'll start planning."

Without another word, Mike bounded towards his room, reveling in the hope radiating from his brother's sitting form.

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

Leo had not spoken to his father since the morning. Not replying to his idle chatter during lunch and letting Mikey break the crushing silence at dinner, it was only when his father requested Leonardo help him get ready for bed that Leo allowed himself to speak civilly to his sensei. Never did he bring up Don, only asked questions about their training and worries he had about his father's health. He was just covering Splinter with his blankets when the old rat reached out and squeezed Leo's hand forcing him to look him in the face.

"I pray the hate you feel towards me at this moment will not last, my son. It hurts me to see you in such pain."

Leo frowned.

"I don't hate you, father," he paused, "but I do disagree with you."

Splinter nodded.

"I know, my son."

There was a brief silence. Splinter closed his eyes and Leo thought maybe he had gone to sleep, but as he tried to remove his hand from his father's grip his eyes opened again.

"I was disturbed to learn of Raphael and Michelangelo's knowledge of your relationship. Even more disheartened to learn of Michelangelo's knowledge from the start."

"Do not be angry with him, Sensei. He was only trying to be a good brother, as was Raphael. They were only trying to protect us."

"And that does make me proud, Leonardo," Splinter's voice seemed to grow stronger, "the bonds in our family are tight. One of you would gladly die for the other. That is why I am worried about something more developing between any two of you. I am afraid of a shift in that balance, afraid of one of you being more willing to help one than the others."

Splinter grew silent again and when he returned his stern eyes to Leonardo, Leo dreaded his next words.

"I must speak truthfully with you, Leonardo, or I fear you will never understand my actions," he paused, "learning of Michelangelo and Raphael's knowledge only strengthened my resolve that your relationship with Donatello will not be good for this family. Already you have encouraged secrets and lies for your own well being, something I never would have expected from one of my sons. Especially you."

Leo looked away.

"What will you have one of your brother's lie about next if you feel it is necessary? It is the beginning of something that will not end well for our family," Leo tried to speak but Splinter shook his head, "tonight just listen, my son. Listen and think on my words."

He let go of Leo's hand and closed his eyes, turning his head away.

"Stay with me until I fall asleep, Leonardo, and meditate on what I have said. I have confidence that you and Donatello will come to see the truth in my words."

Leonardo arranged himself in a meditation pose near his master's bed. Closing his eyes, Leo listened to his father's raspy breath, at first obedient and thinking on his Sensei's reasoning, Leo soon found his mind wandering to Donatello. A delightful thrill ran through his body at the small act of rebellion. No matter how hard he tried, Splinter could never control Leo's dreams…


	5. Chapter 4

_Thanks to everyone that's been reviewing!!! I didn't think I'd be updating again so soon but inspiration has struck hard and I'm almost done with the next chapter too!! The chapter's should begin getting longer too._

_In the next chapter we'll get to see if Mike succeeds at getting Leo and Don together and perhaps some hints as to who Mikey will end up with ;) But in this chapter we get a peek at how Donnie's holding up and what April thinks of the situation. I hope you enjoy and keep reviewing :D_

* * *

The next day began like any other, only there was an obvious emptiness in the lair. Leonardo couldn't stand the worried glances and stressed conversation. He hated the fact that no one was even mentioning Donatello's name. As soon as breakfast was over Leo pushed for practice to start. This statement was greeted with groans and complaints by his brothers but Splinter seemed pleased and soon the four of them were in the dojo. The morning quickly rolled into afternoon. Though Splinter participated more in the training, a fit of coughs soon caused him to relinquish leadership to Leonardo. The three of them tried to push their worries aside and do their best for their Sensei but even they couldn't stop the awkwardness that came with Leo's recommendation that they start sparring. There was a brief silence as they realized for the first time one of them would be sitting out. Leonardo would have suggested two against one but he knew losing to his brothers would only make it appear that he wasn't dealing well with their current situation. And Leo knew he would indeed lose. So, Leonardo sat out first as the sparring began. 

Soon their training was over and they all sat in front of their father as he commended them on a good practice. He dismissed them, planning to stay behind and meditate. Leo stood to leave but paused seeing his brothers exchange a glance and remain seated on the ground. Leo waited, mimicking the questioning gaze his Sensei was giving them. Mikey cleared his throat.

"Master Splinter, me and Raph were wondering…could we go see Donnie today?"

Leo's eyes flicked to his father, who remained silent a moment.

"Of course, my sons," he looked up at Leo, "as long as Leonardo remains behind."

Leo kept himself composed, unwilling to show his anger. He just bowed stiffly to his master before turning to leave.

"Tell Don I said hi," he called back, ignoring the pitying stares that followed him as he walked away.

>> > > > > > > > >

Mikey silently fell to the fire escape. He gestured to Raph as April opened the window and his brother soon joined him as he slipped inside.

"Hey guys," April closed the window giving her guests an uneasy smile, "how are you holding up?"

Raph shrugged, looking around the living room as if Don would suddenly appear. Mikey grinned.

"You know us, April, we're used to the shocking and uh…"

"Weird," Raph grunted, crossing his arms and finally looking at April.

"Where's Casey?" April frowned.

"Probably out giving some poor punks hell."

April began to walk to the kitchen and the two turtles followed her.

"Too bad you missed him, Raph," Mikey teased, slipping into a chair. Raph leaned against the counter.

"So where is Donnie boy, April?" Mike asked, his eyes lighting up as April took out a frozen pizza and shoved it in the microwave.

"He's in the guest room. Said he needed some time alone. He's been working nonstop." There was a brief silence, only filled by the buzz of the microwave. Finally April sighed, taking a seat next to Mike at the table.

"Don't worry guys it'll be alright," when no one replied April continued, "It's just a phase. You're becoming adults so of course you'd be thinking about what's going to happen when you get older. I can understand wanting to be with someone as you grow old."

Raph snorted.

"I blame it on hormones."

April smiled.

"If that was the case I would have expected this during your teenage years. I think it's something more than that, Raph. Leo and Don just…" her voice trailed off and she sighed.

"Without the Foot or another constant enemy, I think they're at a loss as to where their lives are going. When they're together they find comfort in each other and experience something that's new and exciting. When it comes down to it, they're facing the age old question what's the purpose of life?"

The silence that followed was more profound than earlier. April realized what she had said must have struck a cord with Raph and Mike as both looked lost in their own thoughts. The microwave dinged and April quickly stood.

"Why don't you guys go get Don and I'll cut the pizza."

Mike nodded. Walking glumly from the room with Raph close behind, Mikey approached the closed door and knocked.

"Donnnnn open uppp!!!!" he whined. There was a hurried sound in the room and suddenly the door was thrown open.

"Mikey!" Don threw himself at his brother, hugging him tight. Mike laughed returning the hug.

"Easy Don I have to breathe!"

Don moved away smiling sheepishly.

"Sorry Mikey…" his eyes slid to Raph. Don had a feeling jumping on him at the moment would be a bad idea.

"Why don't we talk in there?" Raph gestured into the guest room and Don nodded, waiting for them to enter before closing the door.

"How's Leo?" he asked quietly, leaning heavily against the door.

"He's surviving, Donnie," Mike waited until his brother met his eyes, then winked, "and sends his looovveeee."

Don laughed.

"I guess things can't be that bad if you're still joking," Don glanced at Raph, "how are you, Raph?"

"Just peachy, Don. I've got to play babysitter to one brother and have to travel half way across the city to see the other. And the one I'm left with is insane…just peachy," he grumbled. Don moved slowly to the bed and sat next to Raph.

"At least you understand the no touching thing," Raph mumbled, looking warily at Don. Don smiled weakly.

"I know this is hard, Raph, and weird and totally confusing. But I really do care about Leo and he cares about me."

"I care about ya but that doesn't mean I want to fu--"

"Raph!" Mikey scolded. Raph shrugged.

"Just saying…"

Don shook his head.

"All I ask is that you try to understand, Raph, and take it easy on Leo. I'm sure he's already beating himself up because of everything. And I bet Splinter isn't helping," Don frowned, "how is Splinter by the way? He didn't look too good yesterday and I don't mean because of the news."

"He was coughing a lot earlier, Donnie," Mike shifted uncomfortably, "its weird seeing him get old."

"Make sure he doesn't over do it," his brothers groaned as Don entered doctor mode, "make sure he eats and gets his rest and try to make sure he doesn't get too worked up. I know this whole situation isn't helping but he has to take it easy."

"We know, Don, alright? I promise we'll take care of Splinter," Raph hesitated, "and Leo too. But don't expect me to start plannin' your wedding or anything anytime soon."

Don chuckled.

"No problem, Raph."

"What have you been up to, Donnie? April keeping you busy?" Mikey piped in, taking advantage of the lighter mood. Don brightened.

"We've started working on her project. You know, the one she's going to present at the technology conference next weekend? It's a fascinating idea, I think she's going to blow them all out of the water! You see it's all about…"

Mike and Raph listened happily to their brother ramble on in the language of technology only the brainy turtle could understand. Hearing their brother talk energetically about the topic was so comforting neither one wanted him to stop. As soon as Don finished he noticed his brother's content expressions and smiled.

"I know, I've missed you too."

At this point Mike wanted desperately to scream 'Group hug!' but as he took a gulp of air Raph's hand quickly covered his mouth.

"Just don't," he stated. Raph watched his brother's expression fall and ignored Don's laugh as he headed for the door.

As he opened it Mikey grinned, sniffing the air theatrically before dragging Don to his feet.

"Heaven help us! We almost forgot about the pizza!"

>> > > > > > > > > 

Leo stayed up late that night, running through an intense set of katas. He hoped by the time he finished he'd be so exhausted he would pass out as soon as his head hit the pillow. All day, especially with the absence of Raph and Mikey, all Leo had to think about was the current situation. Without Mikey's constant reassurance, the guilt was starting to gnaw at Leo. He had indeed caused trouble for his family. He had forced unnecessary responsibilities onto his youngest brother and Raph was now so confused he flinched away from any bodily contact with Leo or Mike. To top that off, his actions had gotten Don sent away!

Leo wasn't letting go of all hope. He wouldn't let Splinter have his way without a fight this time. But all those years of training and obedience couldn't just be shrugged off. Leo knew it was time for him to have his own life. It was time for them all to think about what they wanted, not what worked best for the whole family. Yet that didn't mean the family as a whole could be ignored. Leo knew that his love for Don would only strengthen the family, but he needed to make Splinter see that somehow.

Having completed his katas, Leo wearily made his way to his room. Collapsing on the bed, Leo reached underneath his pillow and pulled out a crumbled piece of paper. It was a note from Donatello. Mike had slipped it to him after dinner. He and Raph had waited for Splinter to make his way to the dojo before telling him about their visit to see Don. Mikey had given him the note with a wink and Raph had just averted his eyes. Leo knew they couldn't do this often, using Mikey as a messenger boy was something Leo wasn't ready to add to the list of things he was doing for Leo and Don. On the note were five simple words but the words were enough to calm Leo as he tried to sleep.

_Hang in there blue boy._


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: TMNT not mine.

_Warning: Nothing graphic in this chapter but someone does see something going on between Leo and Don so, just a warning_

* * *

The days passed slowly and eventually a new routine developed for the family. Soon the week was over, and Saturday became Sunday. Splinter announced that Leonardo would finally be allowed to travel to the surface. Of course there were certain conditions, such as the fact that he always had to be in the company of Raph or Mikey and he wasn't allowed to see Donatello until he returned home. Nonetheless, Leo felt like it was the start of something new. He was freed from the constricting lair and was making painstaking progress in helping Splinter understand his relationship with Donatello.

During Don's absence, Splinter had created a rigorous meditating schedule for Leonardo that was to be strictly followed under Splinter's supervision. Usually it dealt with talking about Leo's responsibilities as leader of the family, his reasons for pursuing a relationship with Donatello and Splinter explaining why it would never work out. Leo had to admit the sessions weren't so bad. It gave Leo a further insight into his Sensei's worries and soon Leo was speaking openly with his father, explaining where he found the contradiction in Splinter's words. During their last meditation session, Splinter had carefully admitted that he was beginning to see Leo's point. This gave Leonardo hope for Donatello's return and he began to count down the days to Friday, when Don would be returning home before April left for her convention in Chicago.

Raph and Mike found their own places in the routine. Mike continually tried to keep the household cheerful and Raph refrained from fighting Leo as much as possible. He succeeded in this mainly because he only spoke to his older brother when absolutely necessary, just having full conversations with Mikey when the two of them were alone.

Mikey didn't mind being there for Raph, just like he didn't mind being there for Leo and Don. Never did he find himself wondering why he was helping everyone. They were his bros and he would do anything to make sure they were happy.

Late Monday afternoon however, Mikey found himself nervously sitting on Raph's hammock swinging lazily back and forth as Raph did sit ups on the floor. Mike planned to help Leo and Don see each other that night and though Raph didn't know it yet, Mike considered Raph an integral part of the plan.

"Earth to Mikey. Earth to Michelangelo!"

Mike blinked, his eyes focusing on Raph's snapping fingers in front of his face.

"What are ya thinking about, knucklehead?"

The hammock shook as Raph plopped beside him, breathing heavily. He leaned forward, arms resting on his knees and glanced at his younger brother.

"I'm helping Leo see Don tonight and I need you to help me do it."

He spoke quickly, keeping his face impassive as Raph scowled.

"I should have known you were planning some lame brain scheme," he grumbled, "and Fearless is letting you do it too huh? He must really be desperate the selfish bastard."

"Stop it, Raph!"

Surprise flitted across Raph's face at Mikey's angry tone before being rapidly replaced by annoyance.

"You're so quick to jump to Leo's defense when he's just using you."

"It's not like that, Raph. Leo and Don are good together. They love each other…"

"And what about you?"

Mike's eyes widened and he looked away.

"What about me?" he mumbled.

"If Splinter finds out we'll be turtle soup, Mikey. We can't just go behind his back like this."

"Since when are you so keen on following orders?"

"When the orders make sense I follow 'em!"

Raph paused, watching his brother stare at the ground in silence. Raphael had been burning to ask his little brother a question since this whole thing started and now as he examined his brother Raph knew he had to ask. Maybe the reason for his brother's behavior was staring him right in the face.

"You know, Mikey," he began slowly, softening his tone, "when this whole thing started, I asked you if you ever…thought about it. You said I had to deal with Leo and Don first but Mike…." his voice trailed off.

Mikey felt conflicted. Telling Raph would be a lot different than telling Don. His hot headed brother still wasn't comfortable with the idea of his brothers as lovers, so why would he be ok with Mikey entertaining the idea?

_Ah, screw it_, he thought, knowing Raph wouldn't drop the topic now that he had summoned the courage to bring it up. Mike straightened.

"Ok, Raph, I'll tell you. I'm perfectly fine with the idea because before Don ever felt anything for Leo I'd had crushes on you all."

Mike glanced at Raph, letting a smirk form on his face at his brother's gaping mouth.

"Ah come on, Raph, you're such a rebel who can resist you?" he teased. Raph's mouth snapped shut and he just shook his head.

"Bloody hell, Mikey…all of us?"

Mike nodded, returning to gaze at the floor, the smirk vanishing. Over the last few days, Raph had guessed at Mikey's secret but hearing it was still a shock. Hell, all of this was shocking to Raph! _Not to mention uncomfortable_, he thought gloomily. But now that Mike had admitted it, Raph could move on to what he really wanted to ask.

"Ok, Mike, so you've had crushes on us in the past. What about now?"

Mike looked at his brother blankly. Raph continued.

"When you told me about Leo and Don I got the feeling that you were," Raph hesitated, "jealous of them."

"Jealous?" Mike's voice was completely calm as he spoke but Raph could see his brother tensing.

"I mean, you seemed kind of envious of what they had, like you wanted it too," he sighed, "Mike, I've noticed the way you act around--"

"Don't," Mike's voice was forceful as he interrupted his brother and Raph realized he hit a nerve. He narrowed his eyes.

"Mike, if you have a thing for--"

Suddenly Mike's hands were grabbing the sides of his face and his little brother's beak was pressed roughly against his own. Raph froze, not comprehending what his brother was doing. When it finally registered, Raph pushed Mikey away, sputtering as he wiped furiously at his mouth. Mike gave him a lopsided smile and Raph would have punched him if there hadn't been something so inherently sad in it. It made Raph pause.

"Nope, it's not you," Mikey joked, standing to go.

"M-mike!" Raph stuttered, still trying to rub away the feel of Mike's mouth on his own, "Jesus, I knew it wasn't me! God, disgusting…"

Mike laughed.

"Listen, Raph, don't worry about me. Leo and Don just seem so happy, I guess part of me wants that too. But I don't have a crush on any of my bros ok? I've grown out of that."

After twenty one years, Raph could tell when his brother was keeping something from him and now it was evident Mike was omitting information. Raph could also tell when he wasn't going to get anymore out of his brother and at this point it was obvious Mike wasn't going to tell Raph anything else.

"All right, Mikey, but I'm here for ya if you need to talk."

"Thanks, Raph," Mike's smile became genuine and Raph felt his spirits lift a little.

"Now are you going to help me get Leo and Don together or what?"

Raph rolled his eyes, flopping back on the hammock.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope!" Mikey cried, bouncing happily to the door, "After dinner we go, partner!"

Raph grunted, watching his brother frolic out the door.

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

The sun had just set, leaving traces of color in the deepening blue sky. The sky had reached that middle stage between dark and light, when the moon started to reclaim the sky for its brief reign before having to retreat from the sun once more. Tiny pinpoints of light gained strength as night claimed the sky, the stars trying to fight against the bright lights of the city to shine.

Mikey and Leo waited on an empty rooftop. Mike sat on the edge, swinging his legs as Leo paced behind him. Mike rolled his eyes and was about to snap at Leo for the millionth time to be patient when he noticed the two shadows leaping towards him. A wide grin spread over his face and he jumped up.

"Look who's here!"

Leo turned swiftly smiling as Raph and Don landed nimbly. Mike jumped onto a laughing Don hugging him tightly. Leo didn't approach the happy reunion, watching as the three chatted. Even Raph looked happy. Leo felt like his feet were glued to the cement. His brother's were disobeying Splinter's orders because of him. He was digging the hole deeper for his family all for himself. When had he become so selfish?

Finally, Don's gaze traveled to Leo. Raph and Mike didn't move as Don walked towards him.

"Hey, Leo," he said softly, stopping in front of his brother. Leo felt a surge of happiness. How many agonizing days had it been since he'd heard Donnie's voice? His brother had seemed a world away and now here he was, so very close.

"Hi, Donnie."

Mike shared a quick look with Raph before clearing his throat.

"Ok…well, I guess me and Raphie will get going then."

Although Don glanced at Raph and Mike standing uncomfortably off to the side, Leo's eyes remained fixed on Don.

"Thanks, Mikey. We'll see you guys in an hour?" Don's voice was hopeful and Mike nodded.

"Damn straight!" Mike shook his finger at them giving Don a mock glare, "home by 10 otherwise grounded for a month Mister!"

"Geez, Mikey, let's just go…" Raph grumbled, grabbing the edge of Mikey's shell and yanking him away.

Don chuckled and watched as the pair vanished into the night.

"Leo, you don't know how much I've missed you all," he sighed. Leo smiled warmly, stepping closer and gently cupping the side of his face.

"I have an idea…"

Don returned the smile, leaning into Leo's hand.

"And how are you doing, blue boy? Splinter giving you a guilt trip yet?"

Leo laughed.

"Of course! You know me, braniac."

Silence fell over the pair as they drew comfort from being near one another once more.

"It's a beautiful night," Don whispered leaning closer to Leo.

"Yea…" Leo breathed as his mouth met Don's. Everything else just melted away…

"Let's go find some punks, Mike."

Raph studied the street below them as Mike anxiously glanced back in the direction they had come from.

"Nah, you go ahead, Raph. I think I'm going to find some grub and pick up the latest comic or something. I'll meet you back where Leo and Don are."

Raph shrugged, eyeing some dark figures moving quickly down the street.

"Suit yourself, lazy."

With that Raph was gone. Mike waited, making sure his brother wasn't going to come back before hurriedly retracing their steps. He finally paused on a rooftop next to the one he had left Leo and Don on. It was slightly higher and as Mike peeked over the ally separating the buildings he was able to clearly make out the dark silhouettes of his brothers, their eyes gleaming in the darkness. A little voice in his head kept nagging that he shouldn't be there but Mike's curiosity was too strong. His brother's were just standing in silence, Leo cupping Don's cheek. Then suddenly Don was leaning closer…

Mike gasped at the sight of the kiss. It began slowly and then suddenly the two were pressed together, the kiss picking up speed. Mike's eyes widened. Imagining being kissed and knowing that his brother's did it was nothing compared to seeing a kiss happen. Mike was fascinated by the enthusiasm behind his brother's actions. Don moved his mouth to lavish Leo's neck, tongue and all, and the complete look of bliss on the usually composed turtle's face sent a shiver through Mike.

Mike quickly shut his eyes as his brother's decided standing was overrated and Leo crawled on top of Donatello, who eagerly rolled onto his shell and spread his legs admitting Leo's body.

_So wrong, so wrong, oh god, why am I watching this? What are you doing here you idiot!_ Mike felt a strange tingle spreading throughout his body. He wasn't watching because he had some sick need to see his brother's going at it. Nor was he watching because, as Raph thought, he had a crush on a certain brother. Mikey really didn't feel that way about one of his brother's this time. This was different. He was always hanging around said brother when the opportunity arose because of what that brother had. The relationship, the love…Mike was just trying to get as close to that as possible.

He opened one eye cautiously. Mike felt himself blush, both eyes opening wide in horror as he saw his brother's _OH GOD_. Mike's mouth was hanging open in disbelief. His breathing quickened as Don bucked upwards to meet Leo. One of Leo's hands gripped the outside of Don's thigh while the other inched forward to wrap around Don's_ OHGOD_. Don's head slammed back onto the roof and his body arched

up again. Leo was looking at Don intensely and _OOOHHGODDD!!_

Mike was up and running before he knew it, trying desperately to erase the images of his brothers from his mind.

"Ahhhhh!"

The inarticulate cry echoed in the darkness and made Mike stumble, releasing a whimper as he collapsed only two rooftops away. Now his breathing was even more uneven from running and as he took in gulps of air in an attempt to regain his composure, he was disturbingly aware of how warm he was and of the uncomfortable pressure against the inside of his shell. Mike shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut but then quickly opened them, since the sight of his brothers on the roof seemed to be plastered to the inside of his eyelids.

_What were you thinking?_ He scolded himself, his hands balled painfully into fists. But when he thought of Leo's intense stare and Don arching beneath him, Mike released an agonized whimper. Was that what he wanted after all? Just sex? _No,_ Mike thought furiously, _it wasn't just sex. They love each other and know each other inside and out. They can build each other up and come crashing down together. God, I had to watch because I'm never going to have that._

Twice Mike knocked the back of his head against the ledge he was leaning against before letting loose a sigh of defeat and squeezing his eyes shut again.

He released a forlorn sob before reaching guiltily up into his shell…

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> 

An hour later Raph arrived back at the rooftop to find Leo and Don sitting together talking, Don leaning his head comfortably on Leo's shoulder. Raph grunted, approaching his brother's cautiously.

"Where's Mikey?" Don asked. His voice sounded sleepy and Raph noticed Leo looked tired too. _And happy,_ Raph realized. Not enjoying the train of thought his mind was following, Raph quickly shrugged it off and was about to complain that they had to get going before everyone started to get suspicious when Mikey arrived. Raph took one look at his brother and knew something was up.

"What happened to you? No comic book?"

Mike didn't seem to hear Raph at first, then after a moment's delay he looked at his brother and smiled. There was no mirth in the smile and that worried Raph even more.

"Nah bro, couldn't find anything good so I just took a bit of a nap, enjoyed the refreshing night air…ya know," Mike shrugged, pointedly avoiding looking at his cuddling brother's on the ground.

Leo sighed.

"Alright, we should get going before Splinter and April start to worry." He stood, helping Don to his feet.

"Let's go, Don," Raph grunted, turning around so he didn't have to watch Leo pull Don close for one last kiss.

"See you soon, Don." Don smiled sadly.

"See you, blue boy."

Don turned to hug Mike and Mike found himself drawing away from Don's touch, a tremor running through him as his brother pulled him close.

"Thanks Mikey, I owe you one. Again." Mike tried to return Don's grin but found he couldn't meet Don's eyes.

"No problem," he mumbled. Staring at the ground as Don and Raph left for April's. He flinched as Leo clapped him on the shoulder.

"Alright, Mikey, let's head home. And this week, your chores are on me."

Mikey nodded, glancing up at his brother and hesitantly meeting his eyes. Mike had a flash of those eyes gazing at him intensely like they had at Don and he quickly looked away.

"Yea thanks," he murmured.

As Mike followed his brother home, he realized things would never quite be the same.


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: TMNT are not mine

_Author's Note: Ok, so I feel like this story is dying...and sucking. BUT I plan on finishing it never fear. I just think I'm more of a short fic turtlecest girl. (compared to my other fics I think this one is coming out rather rushed and not as well written...critique me pleaseeee) Anyway, I wanted to write this to see what would happen if they told Splinter cuz I always avoid it, so I shall continue to explore that. There will be 9 chapters, and an epilogue. Almost done ;)_

_Oh and I hope no one seems too OOC in this chapter..._

* * *

The next day Splinter began to wonder if Leonardo and Michelangelo had switched roles. While Mikey seemed contemplative and worried, Leo was happy and hopeful. Instead of Mikey trying to cheer Leo up with chattering conversations following him around day and night, Leonardo followed Mikey, doing his chores and whatever else he could to make the younger brother's day easier. Mikey was less than pleased with this. While he could avoid Donatello by not visiting April's for a day, there was no way to avoid the grateful Leonardo, who was determined to pay Mikey back for helping him see Don the night before. Of course Mikey was sure the grin plastered on his brother's face was there for another reason as well, but he tried not to think about it. Even this task was hard with Leo's constant hovering and while Mikey tried to deal with the situation as best he could, so his older brother wouldn't get suspicious, he found himself horrified that he enjoyed Leo's attention. Mainly he liked seeing the remnants of the intensity from the night before in his brother's eyes and he felt drawn to it like a moth to a flame. Mikey began to wonder if he was forced to be around Don 24/7 if he would be feeling this way around the purple banded turtle and realized he probably would. Leo was just easier to access, especially since he was following Mikey around, and so it was easier for Mikey to get close to those feelings he discovered he wanted so badly. 

Mikey was trying to decide what to do about his predicament, which was why he seemed so contemplative to his father. Part of him was anxious for Don to return while another dreaded it, both for the same reason. When Don returned he and Leo would spend all of their time together, freeing Mikey of Leo's clinging but also leaving Mikey with a sudden loss for those feelings. It wouldn't be the same with the two of them off with each other all the time.

Mike was sitting on the couch, enjoying a moment free from Leonardo when Splinter sat next to him. Mike straightened, giving his sensei an uneven smile as Splinter looked at him.

"I wish to speak to you, Michelangelo. I would like you to know something."

Mike waited, trying not to tear up as Splinter placed a hand on his knee. His father looked thin and as he squeezed Mikey's knee it felt nothing like the strong grip he had always associated with his father. It broke his heart.

"I want you to know, my son, that I am proud of all you have done for your brothers. I understand your desire to help and protect them and I am most pleased that you put your brother's happiness before your own."

His father's last statement made Mikey raise an eye ridge. When his father didn't elaborate he cleared his throat.

"Thank you, father, that means a lot to me. I thought you were angry with me all this time."

Splinter shook his head.

"My talks with Leonardo have," he paused, "enlightened me to his situation. I have come to realize the need you all must have to feel something more than a family bond. I was wrong to think that love, even if it be a more complicated different kind of love, could harm our family."

"So you mean you're ok with Leo and Don being together?" Mikey asked surprised. Splinter smiled weakly.

"I did not say that, Michelangelo. I still believe there are too many factors to make such a relationship work. I think you are all still too young, too unsure of your selves. Leonardo has had his journey of self discovery; perhaps he is ready to take that next step. Donatello however, like you and Raphael, have yet to truly discover who you are away from each other."

Mikey frowned. Discover who he was _away_ from his brothers? Mikey knew who he was BECAUSE of his brothers. He was the writer, the clown, the one always there to cheer his brothers up and find the bright side to any situation. He was faster and naturally athletic compared to his brothers. Without them, he would still be all these things but it would mean nothing because he was these things for THEM. For the first time ever, Mikey realized that was how Leo must feel. Knowing he was a leader and a skilled ninja all for his family. He was still those things without them, but what good was it if you couldn't use those things for the benefit of those you loved?

Splinter seemed to sense a realization in his youngest son. His brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to ask but was interrupted by Raphael running into the lair.

"Leo! Mikey! Let's go! We've got some Sphinx punks on the move!"

His scream made Mikey jump over the couch and meet his brother in the center of the lair. Splinter calmly reached for the abandoned remote and began to change the channels in search of his stories. Leonardo calmly walked out of the dojo, sheathing his katanas.

"What happened, Raph?"

Raph grunted. He hated when Leo delayed action just for useless details.

"I was just out for a run, keeping an eye out for any punks and I noticed a whole bunch of Sphinxes getting together. I followed 'em and they headed right to some warehouse where they met up with even more of 'em. I think they're plannin' something big, Leo."

Not even turning around to see if Splinter had heard or approved of them getting involved, Leo nodded.

"Alright, lead the way."

Rap's face split into a feral grin. An expression Leo had seen on his face a thousand times before. The hunt was on.

The Sphinxes were a small crime organization, nothing compared to the Foot of the past or even the small segment of the Purple Dragons that survived. However Leonardo saw a lot of potential in the group, which in itself was frightening. It was mostly a mottled group full of ex Foot ninjas, street punks, and any other low lives willing to join the secret organization. They trained in a rare form of martial arts but were so inexperienced they rarely posed a threat. As Raph led the group to the warehouse where the Sphinxes appeared to be gathering, Leonardo felt his heart rate quicken. They peered at the large group entering the warehouse, large trucks parked close by the entrance as if prepared to load something. Leo frowned. Usually the groups' members were in small contingents, scattered around the city doing small jobs. Here however there appeared to be a large concentration. _Perhaps a meeting of some sort,_ Leo thought, _or maybe they finally struck a large job. _Whatever the reason, Leo knew they had to put a stop to it. He wasn't about to let another organization spring up in the city and cause trouble. Since the demise of the Foot their lives had been a lot less dangerous. Leo thought of his last encounter with Karai grimly. Karai should have left his family alone when he gave her the chance. Leonardo wasn't going to wait for the Sphinxes to become another dangerous group that could threaten his family. From various encounters the Sphinxes knew about the turtles and if they had the opportunity, would come after them.

Leo led his brother's down the warehouse they were spying from and the three moved stealthily behind the parked trucks. Soon they were leaping on top of them and then were standing together on top of the warehouse, looking down through the windows at the meeting before them. Large crates were stocked up on either side of the building and as one man led a group around crates were being opened to display the contents to the group. Inside the crates were various ammunitions and Leo felt his stomach tighten.

"Alright," he said quietly, "as soon as we get an opening, we slip inside and break up this little party."

"There's so many of them, Leo," Mikey piped in, "we need Donnie."

"Already on it," Raph stated, dialing his shell cell. Leo frowned.

He was about to argue but one look from Raph made him shut his trap. He knew they were outnumbered and with Donatello's presence that wouldn't change but at least things would be a bit more even. Leo knew he couldn't let personal problems get in the way of business.

Impatience flooded the three brothers' as they continued watching the gang through the glass. The people gathered around and began to discuss something as others began to move crates out of the building.

"They're loading the trucks," Raph growled, reaching for his sais, "let's move, Don will be here soon."

Leo continued to analyze the situation before nodding.

"Alright, we stop them from loading the trucks and lure them out but try not to engage the whole group until Don arrives. We pick them off in small skirmishes. Move."

The three of them slipped from the building, watching the men exit the doors with the crates before surprising them. Don arrived while more members were pouring out the doors. Quickly he joined his brothers. He had hurried as fast as he could after getting Raph's call. He had been with April going over the blueprints for the last part of her project and April hadn't stopped him when he announced his brothers were in trouble.

As soon as Leo saw Don he signaled for his brothers to move into the warehouse, where there would be more space for them to engage the large group. Don and Mikey stayed by the doors to prevent anyone from leaving as Leo and Raph forced their way further into the building. Everything was going well until the gang surged towards the doors. Leo frowned, glancing to see if Raph was ok. He knew Don and Mikey could handle themselves and he should most likely stay and watch his brother's back but Leo felt a sudden need to be near Don again, memories of the other night flashing through his mind. Feeling a surge of confidence as he easily cleared the space around him, Leo moved towards Don, flipping up and over some goons who crumpled to the ground as Leo reached out with his katanas.

Don quickly glanced behind him as he felt a pressure against his shell and found himself greeted with a cocky grin on leo's face. If it was possible, Don's heart began to pump faster.

"Seeing you again so soon, Leo?" he asked, grunting as he returned to bashing Sphinxes.

"Well, you know me Donnie, always prom--"

"Arghhh!!!"

"Raph!" Mikey's shrill voice made Leo look quickly back at where he'd left his brother. His heart sank. Everyone who had realized they weren't going to get out the front door were reaching into the crates and running towards the back, prepared to make a hole if they had to. Raph, finding himself without Leo, was trying his best to be a one turtle road block but apparently there had been one too many.

"Raph?" Leo called, gazing for his brother amidst the mob of conscious people running in his direction.

"Raph!" Leo felt the panic rising. Mikey was already moving and Leo and Don effortlessly dealt with the few people still coming their way, then swiftly ran in the direction Mikey had gone. Mike was quickly dispatching of the few men who had ambushed Raph while the rest ran away. A loud boom sounded and Leo and Don ducked as debris and dust flooded the air. As the air cleared Leo could make out the gaping hole in the back of the warehouse and the shadows of the last few men limping away. Leo looked frantically for his brothers and discovered Mikey slowly standing from where he had slumped on top of his unconscious brother to protect him.

"Mikey! You ok?" Leo gripped his brother's arm as Mike staggered.

"Yea bro, head's just buzzing that's all," he mumbled. Mike blinked at the blood on his plastron, eyes widening.

"Raph! He's hurt, Leo!" Mikey cried. Don was instantly at Raph's side. He sucked in his breath at the sight. There was a large gash in Raph's right arm but most of the blood was gushing around the knife sticking out of his right thigh.

"God, Raph," Don mumbled, hands nimbly examining the knife's entry point, "he hasn't lost a lot of blood yet, but he will if I remove the knife here without proper bandages. He was probably knocked unconscious in the middle of that mob rush. April's is closer than the lair, and I know she has bandages somewhere."

Leo felt like his feet were made of lead as he helped lift Raph off the floor, carefully placing him over his shoulder as they began the trek to April's.

As Don had stated, April was prepared with disinfectant and bandages when they arrived, having time to prepare because of a quick phone call from Mikey. Leo paced outside the guest room where Don and April were taking care of Raph, Mikey hovered inside but Leo couldn't bring himself to enter. Why had he left Raph? Just to be near Don a second more than he would have had when the fight was over and they'd have to part again? Leo had just been so happy about the night before, and then seeing Don again so soon….

Leo sat on a chair in the living room and palmed his face. Now Raph was hurt because of him. Over the last two years nothing like this had happened. Maybe Splinter was right after all, maybe they weren't ready yet for the ups and downs of a relationship. If Leo let a little separation cloud his mind and make him overconfident in battle, what would happen if he and Don ever got into a real fight? Would he be so upset over it that he'd endanger one of his brother's again?

"Son of a bitch, Don that hurts!"

Leo felt a wave of relief as Raph's angry voice began to fill the apartment. Mike walked out of the room, flopping on the couch with a sigh.

"Raph's ok," he stated, smiling happily at Leo.

"Leo? You ok?"

Leo nodded.

"Yea, Mike, just thinking how much he's going to be complaining when we have to carry him home."

Mike snorted.

"Yea, it'll be a ton of laughs."

"Well, you can move him now," April exited the guest room, her arms full of bloody cloths, the knife lying carefully balanced on top, "he should be fine in a day or so as long as he stays off that leg," April laughed, "which I doubt he will, so give him about a week."

"Thanks, April," Leo said quietly, watching April discard of the garbage in her arms. April glanced at him briefly before looking away, a weak smile plastered on her face.

"No problem, Leo."

It was the first time Leo had seen April since Don came to stay with her and Leo felt the awkwardness radiate off of his friend. He knew he'd receive the 'Leo, lets talk' speech soon and decided to slip away before it began. Quietly he stood and made his way into the guest room, turning the door slightly. Raph was snoring on the bed and Leo looked at Don in surprise. Don grinned.

"I knew you and Mikey would have your hands full carrying him back to the lair so I thought things might be a bit easier if I put him out. It'll help with the pain too."

Leo smiled sadly.

"You always know what to do, Donnie," he said quietly. Don's grin faltered and he looked down at his sleeping brother.

"Leo…how did this happen? I thought everything was cleared up by you guys," he hesitated, "I thought that was why you came to help me."

Leo followed Don's gaze and felt himself wince at the sight of his bandaged brother. Raph would be fine, but still…

"I thought everything was cleared up, Don. I didn't see the switch coming….I…let myself get distracted."

Leo felt Don look up at him but didn't meet his eyes.

"I left him so I could be near you," he whispered. Don's eyes widened. He felt an angry retort on the tip of his tongue but held it back.

"Leo, you never let yourself get distracted. What was different this time?"

Leo looked unsure to Don for the first time in ages.

"I…I guess I've been missing you so much and I was so happy to see you again…"

"That's no excuse, Leo. Raph could have been really hurt!" Don scolded, allowing the anger to show on his face,

"You're supposed to be the cool headed leader aren't you? We're not bumble headed teenagers Leo, all excited just to be around each other. I thought you had grown up. God, Leo, we said no one would ever get hurt…"

Don knew his need to lash out at Leo was mostly because he was angry at himself. Angry that he had been there to distract Leo.

"I guess," Leo began slowly, "it was easy to be together when we were already around each other all the time," he paused, "I'm not sure what to do when we're apart. Things are…different."

Don felt a sudden sense of inevitability and held his breath at what he knew was coming next.

"Don," Leo looked at his brother now, his stern leader gaze Don recognized so much from when they were growing up locking with Don's, "maybe we're not ready for this."

Don flinched.

"That's not what I meant, Leo," he replied hurriedly but Leo just shook his head.

"Donnie, look at him. What if…"

His voice trailed off as the two brothers glanced at the sleeping form on the bed.

"It was a mistake, Leo. We know better now, it won't happen again." Don knew he was changing moods faster than he could swing a bo staff but his anger had quickly morphed into a growing fear. A fear that this would be the last straw added to Leo's guilt pile to break him. Things were happening so fast.

"I'll be back in a few days and things can go back to normal."

Leo gave him a crooked smile.

"Normal? We don't have our father's blessing, our little brother is acting more like the leader of the family than I am, and Raph won't touch any of us with a fifty foot pole. And now this…"

The heart broken look on Don's face was more then Leo could bare and he quickly turned and headed for the door.

"I'm going to go get Mikey. We should get home."

"Leo wait!"

Leo glanced back at his frozen brother who seemed to be struggling with something.

"Leo…maybe you're not ready, but I am."

His voice shook only slightly and Don felt relieved that he wasn't completely losing it.

"Are you really, Donnie? Are you ready to stay with me forever, never be out on your own? I've had that chance, the chance to discover myself and learn away from the family," Leo hesitated not wanting to hurt Don more but needing him to understand, "I've grown up, Don and I'm afraid you staying with me is going to keep you from growing up too."

Don stared at him, shocked. Had his older brother just dumped him for not being grown up enough?

"See you Friday, Donnie."

Don watched Leo leave the room. He returned a moment later with Mikey and Don did his best to get back into doctor mode, advising them on how best to help Raph that night. By the time they left he felt drained. Leo's words swirled in his head and he found Splinter's voice joining his brother's as well.

Don didn't speak much during his dinner with April. Casey was still out and Don knew he had to talk to someone or his heart was going to burst. April could tell something was bothering Donatello.

"What's wrong Don?" she asked casually, taking advantage of the silence that came with washing dishes. Don didn't answer right away, drying one pot thoroughly before starting to speak. He spoke slowly, the events of that day tumbling out of him. By the end, April had stopped washing dishes and was squeezing Don's shoulder sympathetically.

"I know you're hurting now, Don, but Leo has a point. You need to discover who you are alone before getting involved in such a committed relationship. You've been with your brothers and Splinter your whole life. You guys have always done what's best for the entire family but as you guys get older you have to start thinking of yourselves. Who you are without the others."

"You're just saying that because you didn't think we should be together to begin with," Don grumbled, causing April to release his shoulder and take a step back.

"I only want what's best for you, Don," she said quietly, "If you could tell me you were willing to spend the rest of your life with him, sure that you knew exactly who you were with or without him, then I'd throw you both a party."

Don was silent. Who he was without Leo? Without Mikey or Raph or Splinter? He lived for them. He was the resident repairman, scientist, doctor, and encyclopedia. But what if he didn't have to be all those things? What if he had time to just work on his inventions and experiments and do all the things he'd been meaning to get to over the years?

"I know, Don!" April snapped her fingers, suddenly excited, "come with me to the convention!"

"What?" Don stared at April.

"Come with me to Chicago, Don. This project is as much yours as mine. I'll just add your name to it and we can present it together…sort of," she smiled, "and it might lead to more conventions where you can show off more of your inventions! Who knows what companies may be interested and willing to give you money to further your work? We've come up with clever disguises before, I'm sure we could think of something…"

Don gaped in awe. Him at a convention? Showing off his work? The scientist in him danced with joy. This was his chance to help more than just his family and friends. He could really make a difference…change the world.

"You mean it April?" he cleared his throat his eyes hopeful, "I mean, I'd hate to leave Splinter for very long, my bros said he's been feeling worse. And Leo…"

April held up a hand cutting him off.

"You can bring your cell and we'll just be gone for a few days. Your brother's will let you know if anything happens. And this will only be good for you and Leo, trust me."

Don felt a wave of happiness and excitement but at the same time Don's heart ached. He loved Leo, dreaded the very thought of not being with him. But maybe—just maybe—everyone was starting to make sense. Maybe he had some self discovery to do before being totally committed to another. And since Leo had already had that journey, he'd be here waiting for him. Don felt his spirits lighten. That's all they needed, a short break so Don could figure things out. Then everything would be even better than before.

Don gave April a faint smile and April was happy to see an old spark in Don's eyes that she had missed in the last few days.

"Ok, April, I'll go with you."


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles

_Thanks to everyone for their encouragement with the story!! I am continuing it never fear, I've just been really stressed lately and instead of writing helping me destress I have been facing writer's block which just stresses me more! Plus this story messes with my fav characters, which I dislike but that's the story lol But it will let me work more with Mikey, which I've wanted to do for awhile. SO here's the next chaper. I hope you like. Thanks for reading and reviews are of course much appreciated :)_

* * *

Donatello kept the news of his upcoming trip secret from his brothers, only telling his father when he had a chance to speak to him in private during a visit from him and Michelangelo. Instead of lying to his Sensei, Don told him that he finally understood his claim that he had to discover who he was away from the family before being in a relationship with Leonardo. He didn't however tell his father that things were completely over between him and Leo, saying instead that Leo understood and was ok with him leaving. Don still had hope that Leo would come to his senses by the time Friday arrived and everything would be ten times better when he returned from Chicago. 

Splinter kept Donatello's secret, letting himself enter a contemplative silence as he and Michelangelo headed back home. Though he was happy for the opportunity this conference would bring for his son, the thought of Don leaving saddened Splinter. He sensed that if things went well at this conference Donatello would attend more and soon be truly independent. Once he was gone, what would stop his other sons from finding their own paths? He knew they had to do it, to finish growing and discover their true potential but it still saddened him. He had set into motion a chain of events he may one day regret, wishing for the days when he was truly needed by his sons.

Returning from the journey to April's Splinter retired to his room, controlling his labored breathing until his door was closed. He stumbled before his candles and barely kept himself from collapsing to the ground. Splinter sat crossed legged, quickly beginning his meditation exercises as the pain in his chest subsided and his breathing became easier. Soon he would not be able to make long journeys on the surface, nor would he be able to train with his sons.

Forcing his mind away from his health, Splinter focused on his sons. Since Raphael's injury two days before, he had noticed another shift in the mood of the household. While Michelangelo still seemed contemplative he was joking around once more. Leonardo on the other hand, had become sullen and depressed. Rarely speaking with his brother's and spending all of his time in the dojo, Leonardo had ended his meditation sessions with Splinter the night before saying there was no longer any need for them. He didn't elaborate but it made Splinter think that Donatello had been stretching the truth when he said things were fine between him and Leo. Splinter had realized that when Leonardo said he was responsible for Raph's injury, it had something to do with Donatello as well. Either way, something about that fight had made Leonardo realize they both weren't ready for something more intimate.

Splinter opened his eyes, watching the candles flutter in the still air of the darkening room. He felt a pang in his heart at the thought that both of his sons were facing heartache, one through denial and the other through depression. Though he still would not recommend such a relationship to his sons, he had come to understand their potential need for it and had told Leonardo such before his elder son had abruptly left their session. Perhaps the thought that his father would accept his relationship just when it had ended was too much for him. _Now we shall see if my worries are for naught_, Splinter thought, _we shall see if this breaks up the family as well_. Splinter hoped not.

Lately he had been having frequent talks with Raphael and Michelangelo on the subject. For once he found himself more like minded with Raphael than the rest of his sons. Raph had a hard time avoiding Splinter since his father had ordered him to remain in bed until Donatello's return and Raph didn't appear to have the heart to argue with his weakened father. During their talks, Splinter found Raph as comfortable with the idea as him and agreeing with him that love wouldn't tear the family apart, but other things in the relationship could. Raph admitted openly to Splinter that he had never entertained the idea and Splinter had the feeling his hot headed son never would.

On the other hand, Michelangelo seemed hesitant to talk to Splinter, happy with Splinter's change in mind but closing up when Splinter asked him more questions on his thoughts on the situation. Splinter felt like a gathering storm was brewing around his youngest son, one that had started earlier that week and though his son was happier now still followed him around, ready to explode when the right opportunity presented itself.

Splinter gazed at his gnarled hands folded in his lap. They shook slightly, despite the fact that he was not consciously moving them. He knew that soon his sons would be on their own, with only Leonardo to guide them. _And who would guide Leonardo?_ Splinter knew his death would be hard on all his sons, but he believed Leonardo would have the toughest time. Suddenly the responsibilities of keeping the family safe and together would be placed on him. Somehow he needed to help Leonardo prepare. The thought of his son losing himself forever in endless duties, perhaps shunning all chances of love because of what Splinter had done to him and Donatello…it was more than Splinter could bear. A gnawing guilt that had been creeping it's way into his stomach all week attacked with fury once more. What had he done?

With the time Splinter had left, he would have to think on these issues and decide how best to advise his family on their future actions. Perhaps he did not know what was truly best for them after all. Maybe that would be part of the journey they would have to make on their own, discover what was best for themselves. Splinter fought a cough as he stood to prepare his tea. No matter what happened he knew his sons would always be a family, their bonds of love were too strong for it to dissipate because of his death. Splinter froze in his doorway, his stomach sinking as he realized he had dismissed those very bonds when he had parted Donatello and Leonardo. Who was he to say what type of love was best to hold them together?

>> > >

Donatello's return home should have been a happy one, but instead it was filled with nervous anticipation. Mikey was dreadfully aware of Leo's change in demeanor and when he had pressed his brother for an answer Leonardo had reluctantly told him about his guilt over Raph's injury and how he ended it with Donnie. This came as a shock to Mikey. Leo distracted during battle? It wasn't possible! And how could he break up with Donnie? Could feelings change so suddenly?

For Michelangelo and his recent study of his brother's relationship, this turn of events was confusing and not at all welcome. He was going to lose his link to that oblivious happiness only to have it replaced by what? Leo's depressed and moody behavior? _Not going to happen_, he resolved and as the family sat to dinner Mikey concentrated on formulating a plan to get his siblings back together. He was only jolted from his thoughts by a sudden eerie silence at the table. Mikey looked up and noticed all eyes locked on Donatello, widened in surprise except for Splinter. Donnie just looked at his plate.

"What?" Leo's question was harsh, uncomprehending, as if Donnie had just suggested burning down the lair.

"I'm going with April to Chicago," Don's voice was firm and he glanced up, eyes traveling over the table's occupants. Mike's fork clattered loudly to his plate, his mouth gaping.

"Chicago? What? Why?" Mike's rambling earned a small smile from Donatello.

"Because, Mikey, I've been working on this project just as much as April and she offered to put my name along side hers on it. This could be a great opportunity for me."

"And how do you plan on walking around a convention without exposing yourself?" Leo asked darkly. Don shrugged, looking down at his plate again.

"We've worn disguises before," he mumbled.

"Chicago, huh?" Raph snorted staring pointedly at Leo, "Not running away from anything are we?"

"Raphael," Splinter's rebuke made the four turtles flinch, all unwilling to acknowledge what Raph had been referring to, "this is a once in a life time prospect for your brother. We should be supporting him not dismissing his decision."

"But Chicago, i-it's so far away!" Mikey stammered, his eyes flickering from Don to Leo and taking note that the pair was stubbornly refusing to look at each other.

"It's a wonderful chance for Don to get his work noticed, Mikey," Leo pushed away from the table, the scrape of the chair on the floor adding to the harshness of Leo's words, "Have fun in Chicago, Don."

Mikey watched Leonardo head for the dojo, the only sign of his anger the stiffness of his retreating back. Donatello sighed and after attempting a few more bites of his dinner excused himself from the table, heading towards his workshop to 'start gathering his things.'

Mikey felt like the threads that had always bound his family together were starting to unravel. He looked desperately at Splinter but discovered his father was getting up as well. Mike's wild eyes turned to Raph who gazed at him through slitted eyes. Raph waited for Splinter to slowly walk out of the kitchen before speaking.

"Easy, Mikey. We all knew it would happen eventually," Raph spoke softly and Mikey realized his brother was trying to calm him down.

"I don't need to take it easy Raph," he growled, gesturing to the door wildly, "Donnie just announced he's leaving! How is that ok?!"

"We're 21, Mikey! Did you think we'd spend our whole lives here?"

The words hit Mike like a slap in the face and he stared at his brother. Raph shifted uncomfortably.

"You've already thought about leaving," Mike stuttered in a horrified voice, "You have haven't you!"

Raph shrugged, beginning to stand but only tenderly putting pressure on his bandaged right leg.

"Of course I have, Mikey, and so should you. Fearless got a chance to leave, our turns are coming up. We're not kids anymore, Mike."

Mike stood silently and began to help his older brother to his room.

"I just don't want to lose you guys," Mike admitted, pausing at Raph's door, "I know who I am _because _of you."

Raph smiled, squeezing his brother's shoulder.

"You just might discover you're better off without us, Mikey."

Mike shook his head.

"Never, Raph. What about Splinter? And Leo! You know he hates the idea of Donnie leaving."

Raph snorted.

"So? Splinter ain't going to drop dead tomorrow, Mikey, and who cares what Leo thinks? He had his chance! He's just pissy 'cause his boy toy finally woke up and realized he was better off without Leonardo clinging to him all the time."

Before Mike could reply Raph was inside his room, slowly closing the door.

"Don't worry, Mikey, it'll all be fine."

With that the door was closed. Mike stared at it a moment longer before shuffling sadly towards Don's workshop. He leaned against the door frame watching as his brother typed away on the computer.

"I missed that," he whispered. Don jumped and swiveled around in his chair.

"Mikey! I didn't hear you there."

"I missed hearing you type all day and all night," Mike continued, dragging his feet as he walked towards his brother, "I missed waking up to the smell of coffee because you were up early working on some new project. And now that you're back you're leaving again. When do you have to go anyway?"

Don smiled sadly.

"I missed you too, Mikey," he cleared his throat, "and April wants to leave tomorrow morning."

Mike flinched and Don stood, gently pulling his little brother into a hug.

"Oh, Mikey, I know this is hard but…it's just something I have to do."

Mike quickly wrenched himself free of Don's grasp, meeting the purple banded turtle's surprised eyes with ones filled with anger.

"I've heard it all Don! First Splinter then Raph now you! Why does everyone think they have to LEAVE to be happy? Yea Leo went on his little self discovery trip, but in the end he realized something was missing. You remember what, Don? "

Don sighed and looked away.

"Yes, Mikey…us."

"US!" Mikey began to raise his voice and Don nervously glanced at the doorway, "He needed us to be complete, Donnie! You don't have to go!"

Don hesitated, lowering his voice.

"You know the other reason for me leaving, Mikey, Leo told you didn't he?" Don's voice was low and Mikey shifted his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably, "He broke it off with me, Mikey. The guilt finally got to him and then….he said….he said I wasn't grown up enough for him."

Mike gasped.

"What? Don, that's ridiculous! He was just trying to push you away! You can't let him!"

Don gave his brother a crooked smile.

"Oh I don't intend to, Mikey. You saw him at dinner. He hated the idea of me leaving. But he might have had a point. When I come back, Mikey, things may be a lot better between us. We'll both be ready to really commit."

"I don't know if it will be that easy, Don. Leo seemed pretty set on ending things when he told me."

Uncertainty flashed across his brother's face a moment before being replaced with stubbornness.

"Leo says a lot of things…" he mumbled. Mike nodded absently.

"I think Leo just needs a good jolt. Something to make him realize he's being stupid and could actually lose you if he doesn't get his act together," Mikey mused.

Now Don looked confused.

"What do you mean, Mikey?"

A mischievous grin spread across his face and Don felt a familiar dread in the pit of his stomach as he realized Mikey just had another crazy idea.

"Trust me, Don," he cried, running from the room. Don blinked.

"Mikey?" he called.

Mikey dashed to the dojo, opening the doors and seeing Leo in the middle of katas, he took a deep breath.

"LEO! Don wants to see you in his workshop NOW!" he yelled. Then he was gone in a flash headed back to Don's workshop where he pushed his brother away from the door. Mike began to bounce up and down nervously.

"Okok he's coming," Mike cocked his head to the side to listen and Don frowned.

"Mikey, what are you doi--"

But Don never got to finish his question. At the sound of footsteps by the door Don had turned his face to look only to have it wrenched back to face Mikey by too firm hands gripping the sides of his head. Then Mikey added a second brother to his surprise kiss list…

>> > >

Leo had no idea why Mikey had interrupted his katas so loudly to deliver a message from Donatello but Leo found himself compelled to obey. He knew he had to talk to Don, explain to him why he had been so upset by the news of him going to Chicago, and explain again why things could never be the same—

Leo froze in the doorway, the sight before him felt like a punch in the gut. Mike and Don were standing in the middle of the room, beaks locked in an intense kiss. It was clear Mikey had control of the situation, pressing eagerly against Don while the brainy terrapin leaned into the kiss weakly, arms dangling uselessly at his sides eyes closed peacefully and not scrunched up with intensity like Mikey's.

Leo took a shaky breath and stumbled from the scene. He made his way to his room, hastily closing the door and leaning against it heavily as his legs threatened to give way. A strange feeling began to spread through Leo's body and he realized with surprise that it was relief. If Don was kissing Mike then it meant Don was getting over him ---or was over him already--- and he didn't have to worry about explaining anything to his brother anymore. Leo felt an ache in his heart at the idea that Don had been able to move on so fast, but he quickly shoved it away.

"Things are better this way," Leo's shaky voice announced to the closed room. Then he slowly slid down the door to sit on the floor.

>> > >

Mike found himself almost reluctant to end his kiss with Donatello and couldn't stop a smirk from spreading across his face at the dazed look on the other's face when he finally straightened and opened his eyes. The kiss had been so different from his kiss with Raph! From watching Leo and Don that night on the roof, Mike now had a better idea of how things were supposed to go and apparently from Don's expression he had done something right. However the satisfaction didn't last long as he realized why he had done it in the first place and at that same moment Don realized it too. His eyes widened in shock at first then narrowed in anger.

"Mikey! What have you done?" he growled, roughly shoving his brother away. Mike had expected to be torn off Don by Leo but that hadn't happened….so what had Leo done?

Mike shrank away from his brother, aware that maybe his plan had backfired.

"Jolting Leo into realizing his feelings?" he replied weakly. Don threw his hands up in aggravation, running from the room. When he checked the dojo and saw no sign of Leo, Don instantly ran to his brother's room and slammed his fist against the door.

"Leo! Please open up! I can explain! It wasn't what it---"

Don's shouts were cut off by the door swiftly opening and a tired though smiling Leonardo greeted him.

"What's all the shouting, Donnie?"

"Leo, I know you saw me and Mikey, but it wasn't what it looked like! I would never want to hurt you…"

Leo frowned.

"Hurt me? Don, we're not together anymore. You can kiss whoever you want."

"Wh-what?"It was all Don could manage to squeeze out. Suddenly there seemed to be a lack of air in the lair. Leo appeared unfazed by what he had just seen. Besides a slight sadness Don could see in his eyes there was more…acceptance than anything else.

"Donnie, when I saw you and Mikey I'll admit I was a bit shocked. After all, I thought Mikey had said you wanted to see me," he held up a hand to stop Don's explanation, "but truthfully Don, then all I felt was relief."

"Relief?" Don's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Yes, Don, relief that you were moving on. Chicago is a great opportunity, I'm glad you're going. Though I'll be honest I was upset by the idea at first. I…I never thought you'd be the first to leave. As for Mikey, he's been wonderful to us all these years, there's no one better for you. Nothing lasts forever, Donnie. People change, hearts change, everything moves on. I'm glad you're over us," he paused, "like I am."

Don staggered back a step. Feeling horror wash over him as he realized Leo wasn't lying…it was really…over.

"I don't want, Mikey," Don's voice shook with a million emotions. Anger, sadness, confusion.

"I'll never want Mikey."

The almost pitying look that entered Leo's eyes was more than Don could bear. He turned and ran away from Leo, ignoring Mikey's cries and Mikey's loud and hurried explanations to a stoic and accepting Leo. Don only paused in the doorway to his room, listening as Leo thanked Mikey for explaining but that either way he didn't mind. _He doesn't mind,_ Don's head reeled and he fell back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling, _doesn't mind…and doesn't care._

* * *

_ahhhhh so sad for Leo/Don::sits with box of tissues and cries for fav pairing:: ...ok I'm good now... _


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT, making no money from this, yadda yadda

_Author's Note: Soooo this is the censored version once again. For noncensored, go to Turtlecest group on lj. We finally discover who Mikey's with in this chapter (Mikey needs some lovin') and things get a bit happier. They should be happier from here on out as well. Probably one more chapter and an epilogue and then this crazy long fic is done! sniff. Enjoy! And please critique and review away ;)_

_OH and for those of you who read _Flesh and Blood_ I haven't abandoned it, just was attacked by tons of plot bunnies for this story so wanted to get all those out first. I'm almost done with the next chapter so it should be posted within the week!_

* * *

Protecting his family. It was Leonardo's first and most important priority. He had to protect and do what was best for them, even when they didn't agree with his actions. It was never easy, but Leonardo had learned to deal with it. 

Donatello knew this. During the last two years he and Leo had had a number of intimate converations on that very topic. Don knew Leo thought ending things was best now, and though a little part of Don agreed with him, Don just couldn't fully let go. There had been too many good times, too many whispered words and stolen kisses, for Don to feel ok with leaving; but leave he did. Don was up bright and early Saturday morning, hugging his father and brothers goodbye. Don let his hug with Leo linger, nuzzling against his brother's neck and taking in the familiar scent of Leonardo. He found little comfort in his brother's smile as he reluctantly pulled away, and then he was out the door, traveling to the surface to meet April and begin a new chapter in his life. He'd be back, and Don hoped that maybe when he returned things with Leo would be easier.

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> 

The conference in Chicago lasted a week, but Don and April ended up staying for two. According to Don's letters, they were receiving a number of inquiries about their joint project and Don had even had the chance to pitch some of his own inventions. Leo still felt uncomfortable with the idea of his brother facing these businessmen directly, but apparently April had devised a decent enough disguise for Don to pull off face to face meetings for an hour or two. Don's excitement poured through his hastily written letters. His brother's anxiously waited for his return home, only to read Don's last letter before his homecoming to find out that he and April had been invited to another conference in Philedelphia that weekend.

When Don did return home he could only speak of his trip, rambling constantly about all the companies present and all the people he had spoken too. Don didn't seem to notice his brother's lack of enthusiam as he grabbed blueprints and notebooks from his workshop, shoving them into a bag. He beamed at Splinter's encouragement and talked the ears off of his sullen brother's. Don was estatic that Leo listened to his ramblings without critisim and didn't try to ignore him or push him away. It only brightened Don's mood even more and when the next day arrived Don confidently left his home once more.

It became an unwelcome routine for the family. Don would go off to conferences, only to return for a day or two and announce he was off to another. Leo and Splinter weren't surprised when after the fifth Don didn't return home and instead announced in a letter that he was going to travel for awhile. Raph and Mikey had the hardest time accepting their brother's abscene. They couldn't quite get comfortable with the idea that Don was no longer being kept away from home purposely; he was staying away of his own free will. Two months passed and the family waited anxiously for Don's letters, which arrived at the same time every week.

Leo realized he had had his journey, and as Splinter began to spend more time in his room and less moving around, Leo knew he would be the one to stay behind and dutifully care for his ailing Sensei when the time came for the others to leave.

Leo knew Raph would go first. Raph had told Leo of his idea to visit Boston and see what other cities on the east coast were like compared to New York. Mikey never mentioned Raph leaving, but Leo had feeling he was expecting it. Leo watched his family prepare for the upcoming separations. Raph was increasingly quiet and stayed out as long as possible, though Leo was glad to see he still made time for his family when they made plans to spend time together. Maybe it was their father's failing health or maybe it was because they all knew it wouldn't last much longer, but since Don's abscene they all seemed to cling to the few moments they had to spend together.

Mikey on the other hand, still joked around and tried to maintain a happy demeanor but Leo discovered Mikey was no longer the constant support system he had come to depend on. Leo knew it was selfish of him to want so much from his little brother, especially since he knew he should be the one giving support to his family. But for awhile it had been nice to not have to play that role. Leo knew part of Mikey's bad mood was his fault. Mike was snapping at Leo whenever the two were in the same room together. Leo would never admit that he was moping. He was sad about Don's abscene and frustrated with his feelings and the way growing older seemed to mess with their lives, but Leo didn't know how to deal with it besides training harder and longer. It didn't help that Leo felt himself missing Don, and not in a brotherly way. He found himself missing not only the emotional part of their relationship, which included late night talks and comforting gestures, but the physical aspects as well. No longer was there a warm body beside him at night, no longer someone clinging to him whispering his name…

He was stressed, exhausted, and irritated all the time and apparently his youngest brother couldn't just ignore him like Raph could. It saddened Leo to be on bad terms with Mikey, because Leo dreaded the day Mikey would leave more than anything. Mike was the only sunshine in the household and Leo knew without him in his life there would be little to laugh or smile about.

>> >> >> >> >> >> >

Everything peaked late one night three months after Don's departure. Raph was out and Splinter was in bed, leaving Mikey and Leo alone to wander the lair, the tension so thick both turtles found themselves hard pressed to concentrate on their activities.

Mikey was done putting up with Leonardo's mood. Raph had spoken with him the night before about leaving soon for Boston and Mike just couldn't handle the notion of losing another brother. What if Leo decided to leave too? What would happen to him?

He watched Leo from the door of the dojo, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed. Leo knew he was there but ignored his little brother, which just further enraged Michelangelo.

"I thought you got over the whole moody trainaholic phase when we were kids?" Mike sneered. Leo frowned, pausing a moment to meet Mikey's gaze.

"I'm not like that, Mike. I know I've been a bit out of it lately but…I'm nothing like that."

"Could have fooled me," Mike snorted. Leo glared at his brother before continuing, turning his back to the door. He knew Mikey had every right to be annoyed with him. He was surrpised Raph hadn't confronted him yet, but Raph had his own problems to deal with. Donnie's absence was putting a strain on them all. Adjusting to three brothers instead of four for the long haul was uncomfortable, especially when one of those remianing brothers was already making plans for a trip of his own. Though Splinter's health was bad, he still had time, and it seemed like Raph was eager to prove he could be out on his own not only to himself but to Splinter as well. What would they do when he left and only the two of them remained? And then when Mikey went, what would Leo do? Not to mention the fact that for some reason Mikey was still angry that Leo had ended it with Don…

"AhhOOF!"

Leo suddenly found himself dazed on the floor, an angry Michelangelo pinning him to the ground. Leo sighed, trying to erase the glare from his expression.

"Mikey," he began softly, "what are you doing?"

"I'm sick and tired of your mood, Leo, it ends now."

Leo growled, quickly bucking Mikey off him and scuffling with him on the floor. Leo managed to gain the upper hand after a few minutes and soon he had Mikey's hands pinned above his head. He was through playing games.

"Goddamn it, Mikey, I'm not in the mood!" he spat, "I want to be alone!" _So I'll be used to it by the time you and Raph leave,_ he added silently. Leo shook his head, trying to dismiss the thought.

"Is that so much to ask?" he snapped.

Leo watched his brother struggle below him but roughly pressed down on him harder.

"Don't try it, Mikey. You're not moving until you promise to bug off."

Mikey stopped struggling, giving his brother a curious look. Leo blinked, confused by the sudden dissolution of his brother's anger.

"Mike, wha--"

Leonardo wasn't sure what happened next besides the fact that all his frustration and anger seemed to collect red hot in the searing kiss his brother planted on him and slide deliciously through his body to burn in his groin.

Leo pulled away forcefully, gasping. Mikey let out an annoyed noise at the break in contact and stared panting at his older brother.

Leo felt a familiar guilt wash through him. The guilt of wanting something he realized he shouldn't want. Leo didn't want a relationship and he didn't love Mikey that way…and yet, being so close to him with his emotions so high strung and Mikey giving him that look…

"Mikey," he rasped, trying to hide the sudden husky tone his voice had taken, "what are you doing?"

"It's ok, Leo, I know what I'm getting into," Mikey's voice was low and enticing and Leo felt a shiver run through him.

"I doubt that," Leo grumbled, starting to move away.

"No!" Mikey quickly yanked his brother back on top of him.

"It's the only way, Leo!" he cried, clutching his brother's shoulders, "It's the only way for me to…deal with everything. I can't train crazily like you…it doesn't help me. And obviously it isn't doing much for you either. Come on Leo, it's the only way for us to just…let everything out…"

Leo stared at his brother. Was he giving Leo an invitation to…?

"M-mikey…we can't just…" Leo paused, "Mike, you're a virgin aren't you?"

His brother flushed.

"Yea, so what?" he asked defensively.

"So," Leo began slowly, "your first time should be, well meaningful! Not something just for the heck of it and well," Leo cleared his throat, "Mikey, I'm not exactly in a gentle mood here. I don't want to hurt you…"

Leo let his sentence trail off, seeing the cloud of anger return to his brother's face. Suddenly he was lunging at Leo. Leo braced himself but he realized too late his brother wasn't trying to knock him off. Instead, Mikey lunged upwards and latched his teeth to Leo's neck. Leo yelped, quickly trying to push Mikey away. He could feel his brother's teeth break his skin and Leo snarled in pain and anger.

"Shit, Mikey! Let go!" When his brother didn't obey, Leo pushed harder.

"Let. GO!"

Mikey released his brother and found himself slammed against the ground, Leo pressing hard against him. Leo felt the wound throb on his neck and Mikey could see his teeth marks clearly, blood trickling down onto Leo's plastron. Mikey felt a tremor run through him at the intensity in Leo's eyes…different yet still resembling the look Mikey had seen in his eyes so long ago with Don. Mikey clutched his brother's biceps, feeling his arousal press painfully against his shell. Leo was so intense, full of raw power and emotion, and Mikey felt drawn to it, so similar to what he was feeling inside. Mikey's emotions had been on high for days and if he didn't have some sort of release soon he knew he would explode.

"I never said I wanted it gentle and nice, Leo," Mikey sneered, his voice low, "just fuck me."

"I can't!" Leo growled, staring down at his brother, "Mikey, I-I can't do what you're suggesting! I'm not ready for another…" his voice trailed off, unable to mention his relationship with Don without feeling another pang of guilt.

"We're old enough to get involved with no strings attached, aren't we? I'm not asking for a relationship or commitment or anything, Leo. Just…for a way to get rid of all the stress and frustration…"

He paused, waiting for Leo's reply. Mike could see his brother's mind working, trying to battle against the fogging lust in his mind and the easy option before him to rid himself of all his unwanted feelings.

"No strings attached?" he asked slowly. Mike grinned.

"Just one condition: anytime, anyplace," Mike's grin turned lecherous, "and you won't always be on top…"

Before he even finished speaking Mike could see he had won. Leo let out a grunt before pressing his mouth firmly against his brother's. Mike quickly wrapped his arms around his brother's neck, titling his head back and opening his mouth eagerly as Leo's tongue forcefully proded for entrance. Their tongues battled for dominance until Mikey finally let Leo pin his down.

Leo was horribly aroused by the idea of letting go and forgetting about everything, if only for a short time. Here was a chance for him to not worry about anything, to gain an intimacy he had once had and lost and still craved without needing to get involved in any messy emotional stuff. Though a little voice in Leo's head tried to warn him that this could be worse, all of the horrible feelings Leo had been experiencing in the last few days were piling so high Leo wanted to get rid of them as quickly as possible. He felt like he was drowning and maybe that was how Mikey felt too. Maybe this was a way for them both to break through for air. The fact that Mikey so obviously wanted it too and was radiating an enthusiastic energy wasn't helping Leo think clearly and so he decided to forget thinking all together.

"I can't promise slow and gentle, Mikey," Leo breathed, lowering his mouth to Mikey's neck and sliding his tongue along his brother's pulse. Mikey shivered.

"I didn't say I wanted slow and gentle, Leo bro…and I never promised I'd be slow and gently with you either."

Mikey yelped as Leo nipped hard on a tender spot on his neck, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to get Mike's attention. Leo blew softly on Mike's wet neck, reveling in the sight of goosebumps appearing on his brother's skin

"As long as we're clear," Leo murmured.

>> >> >> >> >> >> >>

Leo didn't know how much time passed after he collapsed on top of his brother, but he only felt himself return to the real world when he noticed a hand rubbing gently up and down his arm. He felt his face grow warm as he remembered what had just transpired between him and his younger sibling and Leo slowly pushed himself up, hands against Mikey's chest as he slide himself out of his brother. Leo stood, tucking himself back inside his shell as Mikey sat up and did the same.

"Leo…" Mikey's voice was hesitant and Leo looked down worriedly at his brother.

"Mikey, I'm…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to lose control like that and," Leo paused, dreading the answer to his question, "did I hurt you?"

Mikey stood and reached over to reassureingly squeeze his brother's shoulder. A slow grin spread over his face.

"Don't worry bro, I'm young. I bounce right back," he teased. Seeing his brother's expression remain worried, Mikey sighed.

"No, Leo. What just happened was….amazing. I may be a bit sore but," his grin widened, "I plan on returning the favor."

Leo remained stoic a moment before Mike saw the corner of his mouth twitch as Leo tried to contain a smug smile.

"Amazing huh?" he mumbled and Mikey laughed.

"It's been an exhausting night bro, why don't we both catch some shut eye? I sure feel like I can sleep well for the first time in weeks. Don't you?"

Leo felt himself waver a moment, unwilling to admit that roughly fucking his brother had finally given him an outlet to his pent up emotions, but as Mikey's eyes continued to burn into him Leo nodded. He certainly felt like some weight had been lifted from his shoulders for the first time in a long time.

"Yea, Mikey, I think tonight I'll sleep just fine."

>> >> >> >> >> >> >

Leo awoke the next morning to a loud knocking on his door. Leo blinked, glancing at the clock on his bedside table and launching out of bed upon realizing he had overslept. Grabbing his gear, Leo quickly tied on his mask and threw open the door to see an annoyed Raphael waiting outside, tapping his foot.

"Aren't we supposed to be training, Fearless? Or did I miss the memo that we were sleeping in?"

"Sorry, Raph," Leo finished pulling on his wristbands, giving his brother an apologetic look, "guess I was more tired than I realized."

"You and Mikey both," Raph snorted, "and what did ya do to your neck?"

Leo stared at his brother, reaching to touch the mark on his neck. For a moment, Leo was shocked to find the mark actually there. He had thought perhaps the events of last night had been some crazy dream.

"Oh, er just an accident while practicing too late last night," he mumbled, hoping he wasn't blushing as he pushed past his brother and headed for the bathroom.

A yawning Michelangelo exited as Leo approached the door and Leo stopped short, holding his breath. Would Mikey mention what happened last night? Would he be angry with him or accuse Leo of taking advantage of him?

Mike rubbed his eyes, grinning at his older brother.

"You overslept too, huh Leo? Who would have thought Raphie boy would be the one annoying us to start practice? That's usually your job!" he teased. Leo began to breathe again once he was inside the bathroom with the door closed. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, sighing as he washed the cut on his neck and covered it with a bandage. He hadn't been thinking when he told Raph he had injured himself while practicing. Raph and Splinter both knew how careful Leo was while practicing, but maybe they had noticed his behavior and would just write it off as him being tired enough to make such a careless mistake.

_Well at least Mikey doesn't seem to hate me…_ Leo thought. He knew he'd have to find some time today to speak with his little brother about the events of last night and tell him it couldn't happen again. Leo felt himself waver but gripped the sink as if it could anchor him to the position. He couldn't get involved with Mikey, not when things for his family were already messed up, not after what happened with Don, not when Mikey would leave…

Leo found himself remembering his last fight with Don, the one caused by Leo walking in on Don and Mike kissing. Don had told Leo that he would never want Mikey. What would happen if Don ever found out what had happened last night?

Leo shook his head, composing himself before leaving the bathroom. Life was never easy was it?

>> >> >> >> >> >> 

That afternoon, Mikey found himself wandering the lair in boredom. Splinter was napping, as he so often did nowadays after lunch, and Raph had left without a word. Mike found his eldest brother sitting quietly on the couch, his beak buried in a book. Mikey plopped beside him, crossing his left leg over his right knee and casually flipping the television on. He kept it low so he wouldn't disturb Leonardo, but his leg bounced on his knee with nervous energy.

Leo could feel the vibrations in the couch and glanced over the top of his book at his younger brother. Leo felt a strange sense of déjà vu before returning to stare at the words in front of him. When the words didn't seem to make sense anymore, Leo cleared his throat.

"What's up, Mike?" he asked, realizing it was now or never to talk about last night.

"Nothing," Mikey huffed, continuing to flip through the channels, "I'm bored. Splinter's sleeping and Raph's gone," he paused, "he's probably out getting ready for his little vacation," he finished bitterly.

Leo noticed the movement of the couch increase in speed and looked over at his brother.

"It'll be alright, Mike," Leo said softly, "a lot of things are changing around here but nothing will ever change the fact that we're family."

When Mikey didn't react Leo returned to his book, wanting to give Mikey time to process his words before bringing up the topic of last night.

Finally, Mike shut off the television and turned to examine his eldest brother. Leo could feel his eyes burning into him and finally looked up to meet his gaze. Mike was giving him a curious look, an amused expression on his face and Leo suddenly felt defensive.

"What?" he snapped. Mike gave him a small smile.

"You're reading _The Three Musketeers,_" he said softly. Leo nodded.

"You know it's one of my favorite books."

"Yea, but you only read Dumas when you're trying to work through something," Mike's grin turned mischievous, "want to talk to me about anything, Leo?"

Leo hesitated, closing his book slowly before speaking.

"Mikey, I think we should talk about last night."

Mike shrugged.

"Nothing to talk about, bro."

"But, Mikey….what we did…" Leo's voice trailed off and Mike gave him a hard look.

"Don't worry, Leo, I don't want anything more than that ok? And it's not because I hate you for what you did to Don. I don't. I get that sometimes these things don't last, it happens."

Leo didn't respond and Mike sighed.

"Seriously, Leo, it was what it was ok? You wanted it, I wanted it, I don't see the problem here."

Leo laughed humorlessly.

"You make it seem so simple, Mikey. So we're just going to have sex, how did you put it, anytime, anyplace and everything is going to be perfectly ok?"

Leo frowned as Mikey stared at him, his leg bouncing faster.

"Things aren't ok when every time you get angry at Raph you start looking at me like I'm a pizza fresh from the oven," Leo muttered, trying to ignore Mikey's genuine laughter.

Mike shifted closer to his brother and Leo looked away, trying to contain a shudder as Mikey pressed against him.

"So how'd you explain this?"

Mikey's breathe was warm against his neck and Leo felt him gently pull back the bandage covering his wound.

"I um, said I cut myself while practicing," Leo murmured.

"Ah, Leo, what a bad lie…" Mikey chuckled. Then Mike's tongue was slowly tracing the wound and Leo couldn't hide the shudder that ran through him.

"Mike, we can't!" he squeaked

"Splinter will be asleep for awhile, Raph won't be back till tonight," Mike spoke softly against Leo's neck. Leo felt his heart pound in anticipation as Mike reached over to deftly move his fingertips along the edge of his plastron.

"And I owe you for last night," Mike continued. Leo let his book fall to the floor as Mikey pushed him back onto the couch. He cursed himself for letting his resolve crumble as Mikey began to touch him. _Well, Mikey's been supporting me for a long time, maybe it's about time I was there for him_…Leo tried to reason as pleasant shivers began to run through his body. _Maybe this is just the next phase in our 'supportive' relationship…_

_>> >> >> >> >> >> >_

Leo discovered Mikey to be an energetic and tiring partner. True to his word, he gave as good as he got and Leo found himself sore the rest of the day after their encounter on the couch. During the first few days of their arrangement, Leo and Mikey began to chance having more than one 'encounter', as Leo liked to call them, a day. Apparently they had a lot of feelings that had been building up for a long time, and as always in their household new issues arose that frustrated them both to the boiling point. Leo was ashamed to find himself sleeping in some days from the exhaustion that grew from their encounters topped with training, though he slept in less often than Michelangelo. While Leo blushed in shame as their father chastised them, Mikey just grinned sheepishly.

After a week the mood in the household shifted and it became a somewhat more relaxed place. As welcome as it was, the change of atmosphere was confusing for Splinter and Raph, used to Leo and Mikey being moody and snappy with each other, suddenly back to normal and acting civil like nothing had ever happened.

Leo's guilt melted away after seeing the positive change in mood and how much good it did for the relationships of everyone in their home. Everyone was less on edge as the tension slowly ebbed away and so Leo found himself shrugging off the guilt. Why feel guilty for something that was actually benefiting his family? Leo was thrilled to discover that he and Mikey were able to keep their physical intimacy separate from their everyday relationship. There was no awkwardness as time went on and Leo found himself looking forward to his intimate time with his little brother. Mikey's playfulness translated over to their encounters. He usually enjoyed catching Leo off guard at the most interesting times but Leo discovered he could do the same, surprising Mikey with his willingness and creativity.

Then, there was a shift in the household once more. One night after dinner, Splinter began to read Donatello's latest letter aloud to the family. This wasn't a new tradition for them. Ever since Don had left, the family always remained at the table after dinner upon receiving one of his letters and listened to their Sensei recite their brother's travels and accomplishments with obvious pride. After this particular letter, the table remained quiet. Donatello would not be visiting anytime soon, despite their wishes in the letters they wrote to him, for he was currently exploring the west coast. Raph cleared his throat in an attempt to gain the attention of his remaining family.

"So, Donnie's doing real well for himself huh?"

Raph's words hung in the air. Mikey gazed at the table thoughtfully as Splinter nodded.

"Indeed he is, my son."

Raph opened his mouth to speak again but paused when he noticed Leo watching him. Leo's face was impassive, his eyes held no reprimand or anger but Raph was sure Leo knew what he was about to say and that part of him wanted to beg Raph to reconsider. Raph gulped. It was now or never.

"I think Don's got the right idea," he began slowly, shifting his gaze between the members of his family in an attempt to gauge each of their reactions. Leo's face remained the same while Splinter looked at him curiously. Raph tried not to flinch when he looked at Mikey. His youngest brother had a doomed look on his face, like Raph was just about to tell him his worst nightmare had come true.

"Leo, Mike," Raph continued, finally resting his eyes on Splinter, "Father…I think it's time I went on a journey of my own."

Splinter smiled sadly at him, reaching across the table to squeeze his son's hand.

"I knew this time would come, Raphael. You are all growing up. I have come to terms with the fact that you all must find your own paths, as much as I hope they will bring you back here I realize this may not be the case."

"I'll write as often as I can," Raph choked, "and I'll visit more often than Donnie, I swear…"

"Easy, my son. Though this is sad news, your brothers and I are happy that you are taking this next step and very proud of you," Splinter's gaze swept over his quiet sons, "Aren't I right, Leonardo? Michelangelo?"

"Yes, Master Splinter," Leo replied softly, "I know you have to do this, Raph, and I'm happy for you to have this chance to see the world. Just remember to be careful."

Raph laughed.

"Of course, Fearless," he said, grinning at Leo, "you know me, Mr. Cautious."

"Where will you go?" Mikey's voice sounded strained and Raph's grin faltered when he met his brother's glassy eyes.

"What will you do? Why are you going!"

"Mikey, I--" Raph began but Mikey shook his head.

"Don't, Raph," he sighed, "just…when are you leaving?"

"I was thinking…day after tomorrow," Raph answered quietly. Mike nodded absently, pushing away from the table and standing.

"Have fun, Raphie," he replied before leaving the room. Raph glanced at his Sensei and seeing his nod of permission, quickly stood to follow his little brother. Mikey's door wasn't locked when Raph tried to enter. Raph silently slipped inside, closing the door behind him.

"Sometimes I think you'll never change, Mikey," Raph said quietly approaching his brother's bed. Mike was face down on the bed, his face buried in his pillow. It was a position Mikey always took when he was angry or upset with something and wanted to block out the rest of the world.

"Yea, that's me, baby Mikey," Mike's muffled voice was low but Raph heard him.

"That's not what I meant, Mike," Raph sighed, "Mike, come on. Head up. Talk to me."

Mike felt the bed shift as Raph sat next to him and Mike turned over, giving his brother a betrayed look. Raph frowned in annoyance.

"I told you I was thinking about this, Mikey," Raph snapped, "don't give me that betrayed, 'how could you pull the rug out from under me' look. You knew it was coming."

"Doesn't make it easier," Mike countered. Raph shrugged.

"Life ain't easy, Mikey. One day you may realize you don't want to spend the rest of your days never seeing anythin' but the sewers of New York. There's a big world out there, Mikey, and why shouldn't we see it?"

Mikey stayed silent, weighing his brother's worlds.

"I know you're right, Raph," he answered slowly, "it's not that I don't want to see what else is out there either but…Splinter always talks about finding out who we are. But what are we without each other?"

"We'll always be brothers, Mikey. Us going separate ways ain't going to change that," Raph said softly. Mike nodded.

"I know but…don't you wish Donnie was here? I do. Won't you miss us? And what about Splinter? His health has been so fragile…"

"You worry too much, Mikey," Raph said with a half smile, "I'll visit I promise. And you know if anything goes wrong with Splinter's health you say the word and I'm back here faster than…well…anything," he playfully punched Mike in the shoulder, drawing out a tentative smile from his sad sibling, "and I'll go find Don and drag his ass back here to visit with me. You know him, Mikey, probably found the world's largest computer and been locked away with it all this time."

Mikey couldn't contain a chuckle.

"Sounds like Don," he sighed. Raph squeezed his brother's shoulder.

"I'll write ok? And I'll let you know where you can reach me. Anytime you need me, Mikey, I'll be there. We're best buds and that won't change. Got it?"

Mike grinned.

"Got it."

Raph stood, and Mikey sat up, sitting cross legged on the bed. Raph was at the door when Mike's voice stopped him.

"Raph, you saw Leo's neck didn't you?"

Raph hesitated. He didn't turn around to face his brother. Even though it had been a few weeks since that fateful morning, Raph still knew what Mikey was referring to. It wasn't something Raph would forget easily.

"You don't have to tell me nothin', Mikey," he said quietly.

"It's not what you think…" Mike's words sounded weak even to Raph's ears and Raph glanced back at his brother.

"I'm not stupid, Mikey. I know Leo wouldn't be so careless while training. And it didn't exactly look like a clean cut. As long as you guys know what you're getting into," Raph said gruffly, "just be careful. After what happened to Leo and Don…"

Raph remained silent a minute and Mike waited anxiously.

"Just, be careful with Leo too. Fearless has had a lot to deal with these last few months."

"You know I will, Raph," Mike replied quietly. Raph snorted, giving his brother a mock glare.

"What's with you guys anyway? I'm goin' to go up to Boston and find me a nice girl who doesn't mind green skin and a shell."

Mikey laughed.

"Good luck with that, bro."

Raph opened the door.

"And one more thing, Mikey. Try not to leave marks. Splinter may be old but he ain't blind. And seriously, we're not animals, Mikey…"

Raph felt his heart lift a bit as his brother's laughter followed him into the lair. Maybe things would be ok after all.

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> 

The candles in Leo's room flickered and Leo could tell one of them went out as the light dimmed behind his eyelids. He kept his focus, placing in the back of his mind a mental note that he would need to replace the candles in his room with new ones in the morning.

The sound of his door opening slowly made Leo open his eyes. A dark shape hesitated in the crack of Leo's slightly open door and Leo gestured for the figure to enter. The shape slipped inside before closing the door again. Leo heard the faint click of the door being locked and Leo closed his eyes again, focusing on controlling his breathing.

"I didn't want to disturb you," Mikey said quietly, moving to sit in front of his brother.

"Have I turned you away yet, Mikey?"

"Your candles are dying," was all Mikey said in reply. Leo smiled opening his eyes to find Mikey's hesitant and conflicted face gazing back at him.

"It'll be alright, Mikey," Leo said quietly, "It'll--"

Mikey leaned forward, placing a hand on the back of Leo's neck and pulling him into a deep kiss. Mike pulled away but Leo stayed leaning forward, giving Mikey an expectant look.

"I've had it with words," he whispered urgently, "you're not going to leave me too are you, Leo?"

"Course not, Mikey," Leo murmured.

Mikey jumped to his feet, dragging Leo up with him. Mike gently nudged Leo and Leo took the hint, turning around and bending forward, placing his hands on the wall. Mikey leaned on top of his brother, running his hands along Leo's sides and placing a kiss on the back of Leo's neck. It made Leo seem more real somehow, feeling him beneath him.

Mikey reached down and tugged on Leo's tail causing a strained noise to escape his brother's throat. Mikey squeezed the base of his tail, trailing his fingers down to the tip and then slowly twirled his fingers around it.

"Mmmike," Leo sighed and Mike grinned against his brother's neck.

"Tell me you're staying, Leo, tell me again," Mike begged.

"I'm staying, Mikey. I-I promise!" Leo tried to make his voice sound soothing, which was difficult since he felt his breath quickening.

Mikey didn't know if Leo was just saying he would stay so Mikey would continue. They both said things sometimes to egg the other on. It just always felt so good that they were both eager for it to continue but Mikey didn't care. Mike just needed a reminder that Leo was here and real and for the moment wasn't going to leave him…

>> >> >> >> >> >>

When they finished, Mike gathered his arms around Leo, turning their bodies so their sides were against the wall and they both slid down it. Leo leaned back into Mike with a tired sigh as Mike nuzzled against his brother's neck.

"I meant it, Mikey," Leo said softly, still trying to catch his breath, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, Leo," Mike murmured. Feeling his eyelids start to droop, Mikey gently moved away from Leo, leaving his brother to lean against the wall.

"Whenever you need me, Mikey, I'm here."

Mikey smiled at Leo's dreamy tone. He turned to see his brother yawning and crawling slowly to slip into his bed. The fact that Leo enjoyed their encounters always reassured Mike that this was an ok way to deal with everything. This was Leo after all. He wouldn't do anything that could harm the family so how could it be wrong?

"Thanks, Leo. Same here."

Leo nodded, curling comfortably on his bed, a content expression on his face.

"Don't forget to change your candles," Mikey whispered. As his brother's breathing grew steady, Mikey leaned over and blew out the last two sputtering candles before leaving his brother to sleep.

* * *

_aw Leo/Mike!!! As hard as it was for me not to delete everything and force Leo and Don back together (my poor OTP...), Mikey needs Leo for the moment. Thoughts? Rants? Raves? Please, do tell!_


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: TMNT not mine

_Ok, so I was sick in bed all day and decided to finish this fic. If it seems a bit jumpy...it might be because I was light headed lol so feel free to point out any mistakes. This chapter came out really long so I chopped it in two. So one more chapter then an epi and it's over sniff..._

_Sadness and fluffiness ensues..._

* * *

"Think we can sleep now?"

Leo glanced over at his panting little brother, whose only reply was a wicked grin. Leo sighed, trying to catch his breath as his eyes fluttered shut. They were lying together on Leo's bed; the dim light of Leo's candles the only illumination in the room. Raphael had been gone for a week now and Leonardo had a feeling Mikey's energetic spirit was only covering his anger that Raph had left.

Leo felt Mikey curl against him and Leo gently hugged him close.

"You weren't complaining a minute ago," Mikey muttered. Leo opened his eyes, looking down at his brother's pouting face.

"Mikey, I know the fact that Raph's--"

"Actually, I distinctly remember you wanting 'more' when I was riding-"

"Mike!" Leo scolded. His tiredness had not deterred his younger brother, and Leo discovered it wasn't so bad just lying there and letting Mikey—Leo shook his head, ending that train of thought.

"I'm trying to be serious. I just meant," he began again.

"I know what you meant, Leo, but I'd rather not talk about it."

Mike firmly closed his eyes, yawning as he snuggled closer to Leo. Leo stared at the ceiling. He knew when he'd get nothing more out of his little brother. Leo would just have to let Mikey come to terms with Raph leaving on his own.

"This must have been hard for you."

"Hmm?" Leo was having a hard time staying awake; Mike shifting against him the only thing that kept him from that sweet escape.

"This," Mike insisted, "intimacy."

Leo blinked. Mike had avoided having a serious conversation about Raph, why was he starting a serious conversation about him?

"What do you mean?"

"For as long as I can remember you've always been a bit apart from us. Did you think you couldn't be involved if you had to lead?"

"Well," Leo started slowly, "as a leader, I knew I'd have to make certain tough decisions. I guess part of me did feel like I had to be a bit removed to do that," he stifled a yawn, "Mike, why don't we talk about this tomorrow, it's getting late. You should head back to--"

"Getting together with Don must have been difficult," Mike continued, only shifting to get more comfortable as he leaned against Leo, "I guess it was the first time you really let your guard down to get close to one of us huh?"

"Yeah, I guess it was," Leo muttered, "and look at the mess I made."

"You were still a good leader when you were together," Mike hesitated, "Do you ever regret breaking up with Donnie?"

"No."

Mike shifted to look up at his brother's serious face. He was surprised. He had expected some long pause where Leo would think over what he had had then and what he had now.

"I really messed things up with you guys," Mike replied. Leo shook his head.

"No, Mikey, it wasn't because of you. We were just…" Leo paused, "we weren't right for each other. We couldn't deal with everything that came up and I was holding Donnie back. Look at everything he's done since he's been away. He doesn't need me."

"But you had something special," Mike insisted, laying his head on Leo's plastron, "now you just have…"

"What we have now is special too," Leo replied stubbornly. He felt Mike nod against his chest, then he was still.

Leo's last words stuck in his mind, a sudden creeping fear keeping him awake. A few minutes passed and Leo realized Mikey's breathing was steady. He couldn't stop a small smile forming on his face. Obviously his brother had been more tired than he realized.

The creeping fear returned and Leo shifted, trying not to wake Mikey but wishing he would awaken all the same. They had never spent the whole night together, not since their arrangement began. _It's just this once,_ Leo tried to reassure himself but he knew it was half hearted. He gently nuzzled the top of his brother's head. Leo felt happy knowing he could be there for his little brother after Mikey had done so much for him, and his little brother was still there for him whenever he needed him. If Leo was honest with himself, he really enjoyed Mikey's company.

However Leo couldn't ignore that fearful feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had been meaning to talk to Mikey about him taking a trip of his own sometime soon. Mike should have a chance to see the world just like the others. He might discover he liked being out on his own. He couldn't stand the idea of Mikey leaving, but it was worse thinking that he'd be holding another brother back. What if something more was starting to develop between them? What if it wasn't just about comforting sex anymore?

Leo stared at the ceiling, watching the shadows dance as the candles in his room continued to flicker. Sleep seemed far from his mind as Leo realized he'd have to speak with Master Splinter about the issue in the morning.

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> 

Leo sat comfortably in front of the small table in his Sensei's room. Splinter sat on the other side, carefully pouring tea into two teacups. Leo tried to ignore the shaking in Splinter's hands and didn't comment on the small spills that resulted from it. Splinter had begun to spend more time in his room by saying he needed to contemplate some important matters in private; but now it was only for meals and the rare occasion when he wanted to see Mikey and Leo train that he ventured out of the privacy of his room. Leo usually left his Sensei alone when he requested it, despite his worries over his Sensei's health, reinforced by the muffled coughing he could hear through the door throughout the day. Today however, Leo needed his father's advice. Splinter placed the kettle gently on the small table and waited for his son to talk, sipping his tea slowly. He could no longer hide the shaking in his hands or the rasping of his breath, but despite these signs of weakness Splinter could still be there for his son.

"Father, I need to speak with you about Michelangelo."

Splinter waited. He silently examined his eldest son, taking pride in the young turtle before him. Leonardo was truly ready to lead his family. Even when they were apart, Leonardo was thinking of the others, making sure they received whatever they needed and at the same time maintaining all his responsibilities at home: training, patrolling, being there for his remaining brother and increasingly taking care of his ailing father. Leonardo truly was the faithful son, the selfless leader and yet…there was still something missing in his son's life that Splinter worried was all his doing.

"I am worried that Michelangelo will not take the opportunity to leave like the others because," Leo paused, unwilling to be completely honest with his father. After all, things hadn't turned out well the last time Splinter found out he was involved with one of his brothers and then he'd been in a relationship with Don for two years! What would he think of a couple months of companionable sex?

"Because he knows I will not be leaving," Leo finished awkwardly.

"My son, Michelangelo will leave when he is ready."

Leo frowned.

"But I fear he won't, Master. Mikey hated it when Raph and Don left. I think he feels like if he leaves he'll be abandoning me just as he thinks they abandoned him and well," Leo sighed, "I think he's afraid I'll resent him for it."

Splinter sipped his tea calmly, taking in Leo's composed expression. He knew more was at work here, he could see it in Leo's eyes. Leo was always masterful at hiding his emotions, especially in schooling his facial and body expressions, but Splinter had always been able to read Leo's feelings in his eyes. Now they seemed clouded with worry and to Splinter's surprise, fear.

"You and Michelangelo have become close since Donatello's departure," Splinter said quietly, watching the flicker of emotion in Leo's eyes, "I am happy to see that you two have been there for one another and even more proud that the four of you have continued to speak to each other."

Leo's brow creased.

"Of course we would, Sensei, we're brothers--"

Splinter held up a hand.

"But, my worst fear was that you ending your relationship with Donatello would tear this family apart. I see that is not the case."

Leo didn't reply, instead he raised the tea cup to his lips, sipping cautiously at the warm liquid. Leo let the warmth of the tea spread from his stomach and try to chase away the cold fear that had been lurking inside him since the night before. He had awakened this morning comfortably snuggled against Mikey. Usually up early to train, Leo had tried to slip out of Mikey's grip without waking him to no avail. What bothered Leo the most was that Mikey didn't seem to think sleeping over was a big deal. He had just rolled over, grumbling that Leo woke up too early and then promptly went back to sleep.

"I will admit to you, Leonardo, that now I see I was wrong to act so rashly with you and Donatello."

Leo felt himself snap out of his thoughts as his Sensei spoke. He felt a sudden weight in his stomach, like a ball of lead had been dropped inside him. He met his father's eyes but didn't speak, not willing to risk what would happen if he opened his mouth. Splinter sighed.

"Since you and Donatello separated you have been searching to fill the void his absence has left. I can see it clearly in your eyes, my son. Have you not yet realized something is missing?"

When Leo still remained silent, Splinter shook his head.

"My son, I have come to realize you and Michelangelo are similar in many ways. You need someone to protect and lead and look out for while Michelangelo needs someone to laugh with, to comfort and," he stopped, seeing his words were not changing Leo's expression, "Leonardo, you are missing something that used to strengthen you in a different way from your training. I'm sorry I took that from you."

"Master," Leo finally interrupted, "what you say may be true but that does not change the fact that if Mikey doesn't leave now he never will and he will regret it forever."

Splinter didn't react at first, then he nodded slowly.

"I understand your concerns, Leonardo, and if you are sure about this then I will support you. Inform Michelangelo of your thoughts."

Leo inclined his head to his father, then stood to leave.

"Leonardo," Splinter called after him, "I have taught you to trust your feelings. Search them before you send your brother away. Do not be afraid of them, for they will show you how to fill that void."

>> >> >> >> >> >> >

Leo was lost in his thoughts as he closed the door, pausing to stare at his hand on the doorknob as he mulled over his conversation with his father. Finally, the sound of a loud explosion jolted Leo from his thoughts. His head jerked up in the direction of the noise. Further sounds of conflict followed and Leo spotted Mikey sitting on the couch, leaning forward with his fingers moving swiftly over the keys of a controller to one of his game consoles.

Leo slowly made his way over to the couch. Seeing Mikey transfixed to the television was nothing new, though Mike playing video games nowadays was a rare sight. The sounds of explosions and crashes filled the lair again and Leo opened his mouth to yell at Mikey to lower the volume only to freeze with his mouth open. Why should Mikey lower it? Splinter was meditating and had learned long ago to drown out the noises in the lair. Donnie wasn't around to angrily stomp out of his workshop, a screwdriver in one hand and a broken appliance in the other, to yell at Mikey that he couldn't concentrate on fixing the item _they_ had broken because of the racket. Raph wasn't going to suddenly appear and slap Mikey playfully on the back of the head as he yelled at his younger sibling that Mikey may not think but for the others they were having a hard time hearing themselves. As for Leo…what was he going to do that Mikey's games would bother him? Leo's mouth snapped closed and he walked to the side of the couch, folding his arms as he watched his brother's intense expression.

"Writer's block?" Leo cried over the noise. Mikey nodded, not taking his eyes off the screen.

"Yup," he replied. Leo frowned.

"I'll never understand how this helps you," Leo yelled back. A loud blare emanated from the TV and Mikey cursed, his head dropping a minute before he tossed his control to the side and then leaned back onto the couch. He folded his arms behind his head and glanced at his brother.

"It helps me clear my head," he said, giving Leo a curious look, "you look like you could use a head clearing yourself. Everything ok with Splinter?"

Leo moved to sit on the edge of the couch. He sat straight, making sure to sit far enough away from Mikey that they would have to reach a considerable distance to touch each other.

"He's doing alright. He's just," Leo sighed, "getting old."

Mike smiled weakly.

"Aren't we all."

Leo nodded absently before clearing his throat and mustering the courage to continue.

"Actually, Mikey, my conversation with Splinter brought something up that I want to talk to you about."

Mike watched his brother silently. Leo had that look about him that Mike knew meant he wanted to discuss something serious. Mike resisted the urge to move closer to Leo and make him forget all about the impending 'serious' conversation. He was sure they'd both prefer his option, but the stern look in Leo's eyes made Mike pause. Maybe something really was wrong with Splinter or maybe they had heard something bad from Don or Raph and had waited until now to tell him.

"Mike," Leo began, "with Splinter's condition, I know you realize he can't be left alone anymore. Someone has to always be with him in case…" Leo hesitated, "in case of anything,"

Mike didn't respond, just kept looking at Leo with his best 'big innocent eyes' expression. It was only when Leo noticed the sly grin forming on Mikey's face that he realized he was staring. Leo shook his head, silently cursing the fact that Mike was succeeding in distracting him.

"What I mean to say is that I don't want you to feel like you can't leave because of Splinter."

The smile vanished from Mikey's face in an instant. The mischievous look that had entered his eyes was replaced with one of confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don and Raph are out in the world. They've finally found their chance to grow up away from all this, away from the stifling confines of the lair. You can have that too."

Mike smiled at that, though Leo noticed it didn't reach his eyes. His eyes remained clouded, as if he knew what Leo was doing and dreaded him speaking it aloud.

"I'm growing up just fine where I am, bro," he replied curtly.

"Mikey, you need to have more than this. You'll regret it if you never get out and explore. As a writer, don't you have to experience things in order to write about them? Think of all the stories you can write about all the places you'll go."

"I'll go when you go," Mike said defensively. Leo's eyes narrowed and Mike fought the urge to shrink away. Leo was taking this conversation very seriously and apparently his last words were a poor choice.

"You know I'm staying here, Mikey. I'm staying to take care of Splinter. You don't have to stay with me."

He stopped talking and for a minute Mike thought he was going to get up and end the conversation right there.

"There's nothing to keep you here, Michelangelo."

Mike couldn't help but flinch at the coldness of the words. For a moment Mike felt like Leo had punched him as a dull ache filled his chest. Leo's words hurt. They hurt a lot! Why did they hurt so much?

"Are you kicking me out?" Mike's voice was barely above a whisper and Leo could see his eyes beginning to water. No matter how old they got, Mike would never lose his baby brother qualities and Leo fought hard to suppress the urge to sweep Mikey up in a tight hug and tell him he never wanted him to go.

Leo found himself rethinking his words. Hadn't Splinter just said Leo needed something more in his life? Wasn't he sending away the one thing Splinter had told him he needed and wanted him to have? He would finally have Splinter's blessing and— _No!_ a voice in Leo's head cried in panic, _this can't happen! Not with Mikey, not with anyone ever again! Remember what happened with Don!_

"I don't want to, Mikey."

_Is that my voice?_ Leo knew he was speaking but it felt like someone else was doing the talking. This couldn't be him saying these words so coldly. He couldn't be sending away Mikey! Not Mikey…

"But," he continued, "if I have to I will. It's for your own good. You have to get out of here and spread your wings. You're not a baby anymore."

Leo stood, back as stiff as ever as Mikey's watering eyes followed him.

"And Splinter agrees with this?" he asked in a strained voice.

"Yea, Mike, we think it's for the best."

Mike's mouth opened and closed but no sound came out. He looked like a fish gasping for air.

"But…but where will I go?" he finally sputtered. Leo tried to smile reassuringly but it came out thin and distant.

"We'll develop a plan. I'll help don't worry. We can have you all set to go in a day or so."

"A day?" Mike's mind began to work furiously. He could fix this. He could talk to Splinter, try to get through to Leo when he wasn't acting so mechanical…

"If you'd rather, we can start planning tonight and have you on your way by tomorrow afternoon."

Mike was thunderstruck. Leo just walked behind the couch; pausing behind Mikey, his hand hovered a moment over Mike's shoulder wanting to pat it or squeeze it in reassurance but he pulled back as if the touch would burn him.

"This will be good for you, Mikey. Just wait and see."

With that Leo made his way to the dojo trying to ignore the choked sob that followed him there. He had just sent his little brother, his comfort and support, away for god knows how long. As Leo began to run through his katas he felt like the lair was already a little bit darker….

>> >> >> >> >

Mike was speechless the rest of the day. He found himself unable to argue with Splinter as his father quietly spoke with him and Leonardo in his room that night, reiterating how good this would be for him. Mike kept glancing at Leo's stiff form but he had the 'I'm the leader and big brother, and I know what's best for you so you better do it' look on his face that Mikey hadn't seen in awhile. When Leo offered to help him come up with a travel plan Mike coolly declined. If he was going to be sent away he'd figure out where he would go on his own. It was decided he would leave the next day and Mike felt a sharp pain in his chest at the relieved look on Leo's face as Splinter said it. That night Mike couldn't concentrate on packing. He quietly slipped from his room, taking the familiar route to Leo's bedroom.

He hesitated for a moment, his hand lingering on the knob. When he gathered enough courage to confront Leo about not wanting to leave, Mike turned the knob and—

Mike froze. Frowning, he tried the door again. _It was locked._ Mike stared at the door in horror, resisting the urge to bang on it and wake Leo up. Leo had locked him out! Never before had Leo locked his door! For as long as he could remember Leo's door had been open, so that if anyone needed him he was there. But now…

Mike's hand remained on the knob as if it might miraculously unlock. He needed to tell Leo he didn't want to leave, he needed Leo to know he couldn't leave because….because….

Mike let his hand drop from the knob. He walked slowly back to his room, flopping onto his bed. He was restless the whole night as he thought up a good speech to give Leo in the morning. He was all set to confront his brother at breakfast but to his dismay Leonardo didn't join them. In fact, he stayed in his room until the time arrived for Mikey to leave.

"Sorry, Mike," Leo said with a small smile as the three of them stood in the living room, "my meditation took longer than usual this morning."

"No problem," Mike murmured, shifting his bag on his shoulder to a more comfortable position, "well, I guess this is goodbye for now huh?"

"Yes, my son, but not forever. We shall see you soon and you shall be wiser from your travels."

Mikey hugged his father gently, horribly aware of his frail appearance. His mind screamed at him that he shouldn't leave. Not when his father looked so sickly and not to leave Leo to deal with it alone…

"Bye, Mikey. Don't be a stranger."

Leo held out his hand to Mikey and Mike eyed it incredulously. He moved as if to shake it and then threw his arms around his brother's neck, squeezing tightly. He felt Leo flinch as if his touch burned him, then pat him awkwardly on the shell. Mike quickly pecked Leo on the cheek as he drew away, trying not to feel hurt as Leo stepped back to increase the distance between them.

"Well, I'll call when I get…" Mike's smile faltered then he let out a shaky laugh, "when I get wherever it is I'm going!"

With a final bow to his Sensei, Mikey turned and was gone.

>> >> >> >> >> >> 

Time passed slowly in the quiet lair. Leo only left in order to get food now that he had to watch Splinter 24/7. He kept up his training and meditation but mostly Leo spent his time at his Sensei's side. As the days passed, Splinter needed more than a walking stick to help him get around and soon Splinter wasn't leaving his room at all.

It was two and a half weeks after Mikey's departure that Leo realized his father's health was deteriorating too rapidly. He now slept in his father's room, legs crossed, and shell leaning against the wall. He barely slept, preferring to meditate that way if his father needed him he could be up in an instant to help.

One morning he was roused by his father's rough coughing. It was nothing new, but Leo quickly knelt by the bed, stroking his father's forehead until the coughing subsided. It was only when his father turned his head that Leo noticed the tiny droplets of blood on the pillow. He was surprised he wasn't overwhelmed by panic as he stood to prepare his father's breakfast and bring it to his room. Coughing blood was not a good sign, but Leo just felt numb as he went through the routine. It was only as he left his father's room with the empty tray, leaving him sitting up in bed to go through some breathing exercises that the reality hit him.

The plates and utensils jingled on the tray as Leo made his way into the kitchen, his hands shaking. Leo took a deep breath trying to calm himself but he clumsily dropped the tray on the table causing everything to fly up and then land with a clang. Leo stumbled to the living room, collapsing onto the couch trying to breath but feeling like all the oxygen in the lair had suddenly disappeared. He stared at his trembling hands.

_I have to call the others…_was Leo's first thought as he curled onto the couch, his eyes focusing on the blank television set in front of him, _I have to call them and tell them to hurry home because….because our father is…_

"Dying," Leo croaked. It was too much for Leo. He quickly buried his head in the pillow, letting out a choked sob. He knew his father was old, he knew eventually all things died but after having such hard lives it didn't seem fair somehow for them to have to face the same end as everyone else.

_I'm 22 and crying my eyes out in a pillow because of something inevitable_, Leo thought bitterly as his body shook from the sobs. More than anything he wished his brothers were there with him. He needed Raph's strength, Mikey's smile, Don's calm…

Leo froze, taking gulping breaths to steady himself as someone gently began to stroke his head. Leo felt the couch dip as someone sat beside him and Leo kept his eyes squeezed shut, for a moment thinking they were kids again and Splinter was comforting him after a nightmare. The hand stilled, resting on his head and Leo turned, blinking the water from his eyes to try to make out the blurry figure. The hand slid down his face to cup his cheek and Leo leaned into it eager for the comfort.

"Why are you crying blue boy?" a voice whispered softly.

Leo's heart jumped at the pet name. For a moment he thought he was going color blind, expecting the green face before him to be wearing a familiar shade of purple but instead—

"Mikey?"

Slowly, Leo sat up. The hand left his face and Leo tried to wipe off the wet trails his tears had left as the smiling form of his little brother took shape before him.

"Hello to you too," Mike replied, smiling.

Leo stared in shock.

"But, I…when did you….I mean…"

Mike's smile widened. He leaned forward, tenderly kissing the side of Leo's mouth before straightening.

"I found out who I am, Leo," he explained, his expression softening, "and it's no one without you."

Leo let out a small strangled noise before looking away.

"Mike…" he began in a strained voice.

"From the looks of it you need someone too."

Leo felt his eyes sting again but dismissed it. He couldn't look at Mikey, not when the sight of him made Leo so happy and the news he was about to break was just so…

"It's Splinter, Mikey," Leo sighed. He stood, beginning to pace.

"He's….he's really sick….I think….he…."

Leo stopped. His throat was closing up and he caught a look at Mikey. His was smile gone, his eyes sad and a bit watery.

"You think it's time we got the others to come home don't you?" was all he said. Leo felt grateful that Mike hadn't voiced his fear aloud and just nodded.

"Yea, Mike. It's time."

Mike just nodded, standing and moving towards Leo.

"Alright, Leo, I'll take care of it. You just watch Sensei ok?"

Leo was about to protest but Mike covered his hand with his mouth.

"No complaints. You've been doing this yourself too long. I'm back now, it'll all be fine."

Leo felt a wave of relief and realized just how happy he was to see his brother.

"Mike, I'm," he hesitated, "I'm so glad you're home."

Mike grinned, moving closer.

"Yea, me too, bro." Then Mike was kissing him and for a moment Leo leaned into it, wanting that familiar escape, that familiar comfort…but then he gently pushed Mike away, breaking the intense kiss.

"Mike," Leo started but his brother was already taking a step back trying to hide a disappointed look.

"It's ok, Leo, we don't have to anymore if you don't want to. I understand. After all, you wanted me to leave and I came back unannounced and…"

Mike stopped, his gaze fixated on the floor in front of him. Leo reveled in the sight of his brother for a moment. He was really there. It wasn't a dream. Leo swiftly moved forward, putting a finger underneath Mike's chin and lifting his head so that their eyes met. Mike was afraid of the expression that would greet him but to his surprise Leo was smiling lovingly at him.

"No, Mike…what I mean is this time, I want things to be different between us. Let me show you what love is like."

Mike's eyes widened in surprise as Leo leaned in and kissed him. It was nothing like the furious, fast kisses they always shared. It was slow but still passionate as Leo's tongue traced his lips and Mike accommodatingly parted them, allowing Leo to meticulously explore his mouth. Mike's eyes fluttered shut. He moaned, the noise swallowed by Leo's mouth as Mike felt a tremor run through his legs before his knees gave way. Leo's arms deftly caught him and Mike clutched at his shoulder's tightly, leaning into Leo as if he could get lost in his brother's presence if he pressed against him hard enough. Leo was his big brother. His leader. His rock. Just as Mike knew he'd always be there to catch Leo, he knew Leo would always be there to catch him. The knowledge made Mikey tremble. This is what he had been waiting for…


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: TMNT not mine

_ahhh last chapter! so sad...sniff...of course there will also be an epilogue but I probably won't post it until tonight or tomorrow. I hope you've been enjoying the story! I know it's been weird and very sad for leo/don (err I actually have an alternate chapter where it ends happier for them but I resisted changing the entire story...even if they're my favorite!) but anyway, hopefully by the epilogue my goals for this story will have been achieved! Read and enjoy!_

Warning: There is character death in this chapter! But you kind of knew that was coming... :(

* * *

It wasn't that Donatello hadn't wanted to visit more. He had known of Splinter's declining health and he had missed his brothers terribly. Part of Donatello wanted to return home for good, forget about the life he had created on his own and go back to tinkering in his workshop with the sound of his family in the lair the only noise disturbing him. But Don had hesitated in his eagerness to return because of one thing. Leonardo. Don hated the idea of seeing Leo had moved on. Not that he was pining of course. In fact, they hadn't had a serious conversation in a long time. Yet part of him always still hoped they'd find a way back to each other. He supposed first loves were always remembered fondly but Don had thought Leo would be his first and last.

Don shook his head, dismissing his nerves at seeing Leo as he entered the lair, happy to hear the familiar click as the lock opened on the door. He had hurried home as fast as he could after receiving Mike's call. Putting everything on hold, it had taken Don two days to arrive and he just hoped he wasn't too late.

The lair was quiet as Don entered. He knew it was early in the morning but he had hoped that maybe his brothers would be up and—

The sound of clanging plates in the kitchen caught Don's attention. Don quickly walked to the kitchen, pausing in the doorway at the sight that greeted him. There was Raphael with his back to him as he washed dishes in the sink. He didn't look much different, maybe a bit bulkier than Don remembered but besides that his red banded brother was a familiar sight.

"Since when do you wash dishes?"

Don tossed his bag into a nearby chair, laughing as Raph jumped, turning around quickly and ignoring the water that dripped from his hands onto the floor.

"Donnie!"

"OOF!"

Before Don could reply he was trapped in a massive hug from his brother. Raph released him, his wet hands squeezing Don's arms as he looked at him.

"I didn't think you'd be gettin' in so early!" Raph cried, moving over to the counter and grabbing a towel to wipe his hands.

"Well, I cut some corners here and there," Don grinned, "when did you get here?"

Raph tossed Don the towel, which he caught effortlessly and wiped off the wet remains from Raph's hands.

"Yesterday afternoon. Mike just sounded so final on the phone…" Raph sighed, "it's been tough being back, Donnie. Splinter…he's real bad. And Leo's an exhausted mess. He's still recovering from having to take care of Splinter on his own for awhile. I think it really took a lot out of him watching Sensei get worse. But now that Mikey's back…"

Raph paused. He eyed Don thoughtfully.

"When's the last time you spoke to them, Donnie?" Don shrugged, avoiding Raph's questioning eyes.

"Before Mikey called? I spoke with Mike a few days after he left. I was too busy to give Leo a call…"

Raph frowned.

"You look thin," he stated bluntly. Don smiled.

"And you look bigger than I remember."

Silence stretched between them before finally Raph chuckled.

"Well, if ya don't wanna talk about it ya don't have to."

"Where's everyone else?"

Raph turned, beginning to put the plates and utensils away.

"Splinter's in his room. We just finished having breakfast. I volunteered to stay with him last night. I think Leo's been doing it every night since Mikey left which ya know means he hasn't gotten any sleep. I was just going to wake him and Mikey actually and force them to eat something."

"I'll do it," Don said happily, "Maybe it'll be a welcoming surprise for them to wake up to."

Raph paused, a dish hovered in the air for a moment before Raph unfroze, moving to place the dish in the cupboard. Don watched Raph carefully.

"Should I not wake them?"

"Nah go ahead, braniac, they'll be glad to see ya," Raph replied, throwing a grin over his shoulder at Don, "they're in Leo's room. You know Mikey, when he's upset he can't sleep alone."

Don nodded. Still a bit confused by his brother's behavior, Don wandered to his room where he chucked his bag onto his dusty bed. Eyeing his room thoughtfully, Don headed towards Leo's. As Don neared he heard shuffling inside. He opened the door slowly, wanting to surprise his brothers but as he peered inside he froze. Leo was standing, tying on his mask. He looked exhausted in the dim candlelight just like Raph had said. Don bit his lower lip, trying to muster the courage to speak. As he continued to watch his brother, Leo reached over to a spot on the floor and picked up Mikey's mask. Don frowned. Why was it on the floor? Leo walked over to the bed and Don lost sight of him. Don moved over to the other side of the door, opening it a bit more and saw Mikey stretching out on the bed yawning.

"And you used to hate sleepovers," Mike teased sleepily. Leo chuckled, dangling Mikey's mask above his little brother.

"Come on, Mike, we should check on Splinter and Raph."

Leo let go of the mask and Mike caught the fluttering material. He tied it on as Leo moved around the room collecting his gear.

"Donnie should be coming today too," Mike said brightly. Don watched Leo, waiting for a reaction but he just nodded blankly.

"Yea, so we should get moving."

Mike sighed.

"Sometimes I wish we could just stay in here forever and forget about everything that's going on out there…"

Leo turned at this, giving Mike a loving smile.

"I know what you mean."

He moved swiftly to the bed, placing a hand on Mike's shoulder.

"Come on, Mikey."

Then Leo was leaning down and gently pressing his beak to Mikey's. Don's eyes widened. He quickly stepped away from the door in shock, a stab of jealousy bringing him back to his senses. _Leo and…Mikey?_

Don knocked loudly on the door, throwing it open.

"Rise and shine!" he chimed loudly. Mikey was already out of bed, putting on his gear and Leo was standing away from him arms crossed and waiting. They both looked up at Don in surprise and then Don was lost in another massive hug.

"Donnie!" Mike cried, "you're home!" Don laughed hugging Mike back and trying to forget about what he had just seen. He glanced at Leo, who stood staring at Don with a contemplative expression. Don met his eyes a moment before Leo looked away.

"Yea, it's good to be back," Don muttered.

>> >> >> >> >> >>

Over the next few days Don tried to forget what he had witnessed. He realized it must have been what made Raph pause when Don volunteered to wake his brothers up. The idea that Mikey and Leo might have confided in Raph but not him made Don a little angry. He knew he was mad for all the wrong reasons but it didn't make things easier. He needed a place to direct his rage over other things as well, mainly Splinter's failing health. He had told his brothers bluntly the other night that Splinter had a few days left at most and that there was nothing they could do except try to make him more comfortable.

It was Don's turn to stay with Splinter when his Sensei's erratic breathing caught his attention. Don quietly closed the book he had been reading and moved to his father's bedside.

"Master Splinter," he began only to be stopped by Splinter grabbing his arm. His grip was unusually strong and for a minute Don thought maybe he could recover after all. But his spirits fell when Splinter's eyes locked with his.

"Get your brothers, my son."

The words were spoken softly, but there was such determination behind them that Don quickly jumped to his feet yelling for his brothers and knocking loudly on their doors. Within two minutes the four of them were kneeling by their Sensei's bed staring at him with desperate eyes.

"Why such fear?" Splinter's voice was low and they all leaned forward to hear him, "have I not taught you that death is a necessary part of life?"

None of them spoke. Mike's lower lip was quivering, Raph's hands were clenched tightly at his sides and in one of his rare moments, Don couldn't find the right words. It was Leo who cleared his throat and willed himself to speak.

"You taught us well, Father," he whispered. Splinter smiled weakly.

"The bonds of love never die, my sons. We will always be a family, no matter the distance that separates us. Or the plane of existence."

Mikey let out a soft sob and Splinter turned his gaze to him.

"There will be a time for tears and a time for mourning but then you must go on with your lives. I am proud of all of you and what you have accomplished. I am honored to have been able to see you all come into your own. I have made many mistakes in regards to the four of you," he held up a shaking hand to quiet their protests, "but I see now that you will succeed no matter what."

He paused, catching his breath.

"There is one mistake however, I must correct before my end." Four pairs of watery eyes watched and waited.

"Love, my sons, only makes you stronger. I was wrong to think it could hurt our family."

His eyes slid from Mikey to Leo, resting on his eldest son.

"You have my blessing to follow your feelings. It is not often one finds the love they need in life to be happy."

Raph wiped a wayward tear from his cheek, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly as he glanced at Mikey. Mikey's eyes were wide and streaming as he watched Splinter. Leo's eyes were watery but no tears escaped his composed face. Don sniffed, following Splinter's gaze. He saw Mikey's hand shoot out and grip Leo's. Don quickly looked away as Leo squeezed back.

The conversation was as close to a goodbye as the family dared. They sat together like that, Splinter talking ideally to them as his focus shifted here and there and they quietly replied to him. Eventually Splinter became quiet and they all crowded around his bed, hands gripping his and gently stroking his forehead. They stayed like that until Splinter was gone.\

>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> 

The four brothers took their time dealing with their father's death. Preparing him for a proper goodbye the next day and then staying together in the lair. Besides Leo and Mikey being inseparable they all remained a bit withdrawn from each other, unsure of what to do now that Splinter was gone. Were Don and Raph supposed to return to their lives outside the lair? Were Leo and Mikey going to remain behind? If they left, when would any of them return home?

These questions remained unspoken until finally one day Raph appeared at breakfast, his bag packed, and announced he'd be hitting the road again. It wasn't a surprise to either Leo or Mikey when that night Don proclaimed that he should get back to work. Things had been awkward between Don and the pair once they had realized Don had figured out they were together. Though he was tolerant of being around Mikey, Don still acted distant around Leo. Though Mike tried to comfort his upset older brother and reassure him that things would return to normal eventually, Leo wasn't so sure. The next day Don filled two bags with equipment from his workshop and then was gone.

It only took a few days alone in the lair for Leo and Mike to realize they couldn't remain there either. It was too quiet and it didn't seem right without Splinter around anymore.

One night Leo lay quietly on his back in bed, Mikey snuggling close beside him.

"Whatcha thinking?" Mike asked drowsily. Leo frowned in thought.

"I'm supposed to be in charge of the family now," he began slowly, "and even though I know it's for the best that everyone goes off on their own, I can't help but think I'm failing Splinter somehow."

Mike shifted, blinking up at his brother.

"Splinter never expected you to keep us all locked up in here like teenagers, Leo," he assured him, "if you kept Raph and Don here, if we stayed here forever…it would be the wrong decision."

Leo nodded.

"So what next?"

Mike was silent a moment before a slow smile crept over his face.

"Let's go find ourselves together," he said softly. Leo's face softened and he chuckled.

"We'll have to make sure everything's locked up and that the others know we're not here anymore and--" he stopped. Mike was giving him an exaggerated look of annoyance and Leo smiled.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to jump into leader mode."

Leo shifted so that they were facing each other, gently resting his forehead against Mikey's.

"I hear Japan's nice this time of year…"

Mike's eyes sparkled as his smile grew.

"Let's go check it out."


	12. Epilogue

Disclaimer: TMNT is not mine

_Well, it's finally over! Hopefully I accomplished my goals of a) exploring what would happen as they got older and grew a bit apart and b) what would happen if one turtlecest couple broke up and another formed. It was fun to write, though I think I'm more of a short fic, lots of little details girl. I found it harder to put details I wanted into this fic, don't know why...maybe I need a beta reader to bop me over the head and yell at me to do it?? Anyway, after I'll be spending more time on Flesh and Blood...then I'll write lots of happy little Leo/Don pieces to make up for this one. After all, I have that fanfic100 thing on lj to get working on_ ;)

_Frankly, it just seemed like this fic needed something else...like an actual Leo/Don confrontation...so I hope this fits with the rest of the story!_

_

* * *

10 years later_

Leonardo gazed contentedly at the bright lights of the city surrounding him; the noises of the city street only a faint drone below him as he stood on a familiar rooftop.

"It's nice to be back."

Leo glanced down at Mikey. Mike had his arms latched around Leo's left one, his head lying comfortably on Leo's shoulder as they took in the memorable sight.

"Yea, it's been awhile," Leo replied.

"Awhile," Mike chuckled, "five years to be exact."

"You've been keeping track."

"Of course," Mikey teased, "I remember the exact date. We left five years ago on December 26th and haven't been back since. We left right before Raph did, remember?"

Leo nodded absently.

"Yea, you're right," he murmured.

Over the last ten years his family had been rather scattered. Up until five years ago they had done a pretty good job keeping track of each other, always reuniting at the lair for holidays and the anniversary of Splinter's death. But over the last few years the pair hadn't seen either of their brothers. There had been what Leo referred to as 'a falling out'. Not that Leo didn't 'check up' on his siblings through various contacts every now and then. After all, he had promised Splinter he'd watch out for the family.

"I wish we were back in Japan," Leo sighed.

"Leo, we haven't been there in years!"

"I know. But when we were there, things were perfect."

Mike let go of Leo's arm, turning Leo to face him.

"And they're not perfect now?" Mike asked in a dangerous voice, narrowing his eyes.

Leo smiled, holding up his hands defensively.

"No, no things are perfect now too. I just meant—"

Mike rolled his eyes.

"I know what you meant, Leo. Don't you get that by now?"

Leo leaned forward, gently kissing Mike's forehead, only to hear a loud snort behind him.

"Well, if it ain't the lovebirds."

Leo and Mike turned, both grinning happily as Raph walked towards them.

"Raphie!"

Mike jumped Raph first, then somehow Leo was pulled in as well and the three of them hugged tightly. They drew apart and Leo looked over his brother. He wore an old baseball cap and a faded jean jacket. The only thing that stood out on the jacket was a pair of etched initials on the left breast pocket of the jacket: RH & SL. Leo stowed the information away for later. Now wasn't the time to pry.

Raph stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket as he returned Leo's examining look.

"I'm all here, Fearless, quit fretting," he stated gruffly. Leo smirked.

"Just wondering what happened to make you suddenly go crazy and decide to pull together a reunion like this."

"You didn't have to come if it was so crazy," Raph countered. Leo could tell his brother was overjoyed to see them but of course Raph was Raph and he couldn't come out and say it. Leo just shook his head, realizing he was thrilled to see Raph too.

As Mike began to chatter happily with Raph, Leo heard the soft pad of feet land on the rooftop. He turned around and noticed the familiar shape of Donatello silhouetted on the other side of the roof. Slipping silently away from his brothers, Leo walked towards Don.

He stopped a few feet away and waited. Finally, Donatello stepped forward into the light where Leo could see him. Donatello didn't look much different after so many years. Just older.

"Hey there, blue boy," Don greeted him softly. Leo smiled sadly at the familiar pet name.

"Hey yourself, bookworm."

Don shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. He could see Mike and Raph chatting happily behind Leo and part of him wanted to join them and skip his reunion with Leo. Don's eyes traveled to Leo, taking his older brother in. He looked just as Don remembered with only two differences. One was that his mask was new; it was a dark blue, almost black, color. Realizing he remembered seeing Leo's familiar blue color before, Don's gaze returned to his other brothers. He blinked in surprise, realizing that the tails of Leo's old mask were now tied together with Mikey's orange ones forming an alternating pattern of blue and orange. A familiar cold feeling entered his stomach as he returned his gaze to Leo. The second difference was a small scar that graced Leo's brow and disappeared in his mask above his right eye. Don frowned. How on earth had Leo managed to get that?

"Last time we spoke it wasn't under the best terms," Leo said softly. Don shrugged.

"That was five years ago, Leo," Don paused, his eyes leaving Leo's face to look at the city before them, "honestly, what did you expect?"

"Things were good between us, Donnie. I don't regret anything."

"It was just hard, Leo. Getting used to having one heart instead of two, even after all those years…"

Don wasn't sure Leo would remember the reference, but then he caught the flash of emotion in his brother's eyes.

"I know, Donnie."

Don's gaze flickered to Mikey then back to Leo's face.

"No," he sighed, "you don't."

"There's been no one else, Donnie?" Leo asked in exasperation, "Not in all these years?"

Don's cheeks turned a darker shade of green as he blushed.

"Well, there's someone," he stammered, "work and all….I meet people…" he shook his head, "don't change the subject, Leo…"

Knowing that Don hadn't been alone all these years sent a wave of relief through Leo. Somehow he had always been afraid he'd burned his brother into never wanting to love again. He watched Don carefully, pausing a moment before speaking.

"I remember we used to do a lot of meditation and reading together," Leo said lamely. Don was about to reply sarcastically, feeling an old anger start to rise but then he stopped. His eyes widened ever so slightly as he realized what Leo was getting at.

"I remember," he said softly, "I became so used to you lying with your head in my lap while I read that whenever I wanted to get through a book I needed to be with you."

Leo smiled hopefully.

"That's right. I remember when you had to get through that one book, who was it by?"

"Stephen Hawking," Don replied quickly, the memories flooding back, "I volunteered to read it to you."

"Yes and I gratefully declined," Leo laughed, "I was forced to do a lot of extra medication that week. Not that your lap wasn't comfortable."

A stony silence followed as they both relived the past.

"So, Raph got all of us together. Who would have thought?" Leo finally said. Don nodded.

"Raph's just a big softie at heart. I think he's been back in New York for awhile now."

Leo gave him a questioning look.

"April," Don answered, "Don't worry, I haven't spoken to Raph in years either."

"Then we should head over there," Leo said softly. Don hesitated, biting his lower lip for a moment before moving forward to hug Leo. Don was relieved when Leo didn't hesitate to hug back. Don nuzzled against Leo's neck, taking in the familiar scent of Leo that Don had missed through the years. Don was suddenly thrown back to that fateful day when he had left the lair on Splinter's orders, a firm belief in his heart that no matter what Splinter tried he'd never break them apart.

"I have no regrets either, Leo," Don breathed against Leo's neck. Leo gently pulled away, smiling at his brother. For a moment they both forgot anyone else was on the rooftop as they stood together in a comfortable silence for the first time in nearly a decade.

"Hey! You two!"

Raph's yell jolted them from their little world, making them turn in surprise.

"Hello to you to, braniac!" he called and Don lifted a hand in greeting as they walked towards him. Mike stood next to Raph, who leaned over the roof's edge looking at the street below. Mike hugged Don warmly once he arrived and Leo stood observing the three, crossing his arms as a familiar feral grin formed on Raph's face.

"What is it, Raph?" Leo asked in a no nonsense voice. Mike laughed, nudging Don.

"Just like old times, eh Donnie?" he teased.

"There are some goons down there trying to break into a rather quaint looking store," Raph removed his sais twirling them effortlessly, "How bout we break up the party?"

"And after?" Mike asked hopefully.

"Then," Don said slowly, his eyes traveling from Leo to Raph before resting on his little brother, a smile growing on his face, "then we go home, Mikey,"

The three of them turned to Leo.

"Well, Mr. Head of the Family?" Raph asked. Leo nodded, keeping his face serious.

"Alright, let's do it."

Don joined Raph at the edge of the roof; the pair shared a brief smile before looking below.

"It's been awhile since I did this," Don muttered. Raph let out a booming laugh.

"It'll come back to you, Donnie, now let's go!"

Leo watched them leap out of sight and joined Mikey at the edge of the roof. Mike's orange and blue mask tails whipped behind his face as he watched the pair descend.

"Will he be alright?"

Leo knew who Mike was referring to and he quickly squeezed his brother's hand before reaching behind him and unsheathing his katanas.

"Yea, Mike, I think he's going to be just fine."

With that Mike nodded, removing his nunchaku.

"So are we all done growing up away from each other?" Mike asked innocently. Leo shook his head; leaning towards Mike, he captured his lips in a wet kiss. Pulling away, Leo smirked in satisfaction at the loopy grin plastered on his brother's face.

"I think so," was all Leo said.

Then the pair leapt off the New York City roof to join their brothers below.


End file.
